I’m Not Buying It

Judging from this photo, all seems well with Britney Spears. Don’t be fooled, though, because all will never be well with her (or anyone, I guess). She looks like an athletic pirate, and it’s a good look for her. Most girls look better without so much make-up, and this is so true in her case! The ABS on her shirt is an abbreviation for Abscessed Brain Syndrome.

Is It Even Necessary To Promote This Movie?

As if we didn’t all already know, the last Pirates of the Caribbean “film” comes out tomorrow, and the studio keeps sending their hunks out, trolling for ticket sales.

It has a built-in audience of women (Johnny Depp), two-year-olds (Orlando Bloom), Octogenarians, Hob Goblins, and Evil Spirits (Keith Richards), and self-loathing young women (Keira Knightley). Oh, and guys who fantasize about being Pirates!

Orlando is making me bi-polar these days. One day I’m all into his cuteness and the next he makes me want to vomit. He’s in the middle, now. But he looks a little like a gorilla. A skinny, charming, gorilla. I’m number sixty on his MYSPACE.

J. Sparks Was The Big-Ass Winner On American Idol!

Much to the shock of the world, she beat out Blake. I didn’t watch it, though. I think I was hot-wiring cars on Hollywood Boulevard. They lost me after they axed Bill Vendall.

Salma Hayek Is Having An Interesting Gestation

She’s cute and all, just looking a little crazy. She did her hair, though, so that’s nice! I thought this was a picture of Kelly Osbourne at first.

Engaged, But Not Engaging

I meant to do a post on this yesterday, but I was blinded by all the beauty these two possess, and my hands kept shaking. I think I’m dealing with their pulchritude a bit better today. So these two (I think her name is Heidi, and his is Spencer) got engaged. May they live long and procreate! [snicker]

After seeing this picture, I think I understand better why California beaches are so polluted.

On This Day In History

1626: Peter Minuit bought Manhattan in exchange for trade goods valued at 60 guilders. Um, no I don’t know what a freaking guilder is. It’s about $50 bucks or something. He was a jerk, though, so this is not to be celebrated!

1822: Ecuadorian War of Independence: Troops led by Antonio José de Sucre secured the independence of Quito from Spain in the Battle of Pichincha.

1883: The Brooklyn Bridge, at the time the longest suspension bridge in the world, was opened. 1941: World War II: The German battleship Bismarck sank the British battlecruiser HMS Hood in the Battle of the Denmark Strait.

1962: Project Mercury: American astronaut Scott Carpenter orbited the Earth three times in the Aurora 7 space capsule.

Yes, that is Paris Hilton crying. No, there is no explanation.