Adam Brody Has Ceased Being Cute

Do young men undergo crises after their TV shows are cancelled?  Cause Adam Brody is starting to scare me.   Maybe it was written in his contract that he had to be all cute and clean-shaven and wimpy.  He’s still wimpy, just not clean-shaven, I guess, and NOT AT ALL CUTE.   

I could be wrong, but I think he’s in Vienna or Austria or something.  I don’t know why he’s running.  I don’t care, either.   Maybe he sees an open barber shop. 

Nicole Richie’s Trick Baby

Um, this is OBVIOUSLY not true!   It is, however, the funniest BS I’ve seen all week. 

They Should Just Film The Next “Simple Life” In Prison

Anorexicole Richie is worried she may have to spend some time in the slammer.  In case you forgot, she was driving in the WRONG direction on an L.A. Freeway last winter,  and like her BFF Paris Hilton, she is up for some major DUI charges.  

Maybe she’ll have her “baby” in jail!  It’ll be just like Badgirls on BBC — or is it on LOGO these days?     

Jude Law Is Unattached!

Yes, Jude Law is a philandering bitch — but he’s British and he has curly hair and he’s cute, so I’m willing to overlook some of his bad habits.   Anyway, Jude is all single now!  He was dating some boring, boney fashion magazine editor (who was a dead-ringer for Sienna Miller’s mum), but that is over.  Done.  Dead.  She probably caught him in bed with the crossing guard or something.

By the way, his new movie My Blueberry Nights, sounds like it’s about a gay food fight or somethin’ — which incidently happens to be my favorite genre.

I am fully aware that the above pic is old as bloody hell. 

Advice for Paris Hilton (That She Shouldn’t Take)

Ice-T, the rapper turned TV actor offered this helpful tidbit to Paris Hilton (who will be going to prison in 4 days, I’m happy to remind you).

“If I was her, I would hit someone the second I got in there and go into PC, protective custody. Then she’s just got to sit in there and read some books.”

I’d like to see her try that!  She won’t though, because she is probably smart enough to realize that if she tries this, a bitch would knock her down so hard that all the stupid bones in her body would shatter like glass. 

Eyes Wide Shut

Dear Brittany Murphy,

Your husband is fug.   In addition to being fug, he is a financial and legal mess.  Why did you feel the need to marry him?   Was it the looks or the charm?  Oh, don’t bother to answer that — we both know it’s neither (since he clearly lacks both — in spades).

Do you not understand that you are a reasonably attractive movie-star?  I could do better than this and while I’m certainly no Elisabeth Hasselbeck, I ain’t no Star Jones, either!  I’m quite certain I could find some random dude at Venice Beach (with my eyes closed, no less!) who would make a better husband than this fug clown! 

Do I sound bitter?  It’s late and I’m full of no coffee.  Anyway, I hate crooked bastards and this guy is the crookedest of the bastardly.   He once bought a chick a cubic zirconia engagement ring!   There’s more Brit — there are two warrants for his arrest in Virginia for alleged credit-card theft and fraud; an unpaid $6,087 legal bill, and a $502,910 judgment against him by a British investment firm!

I trust that you will be filing dissolution of marriage papers pretty soon.  That is, if you’re not totally clueless.

Best,

Candy Spelling Anna

On This Day In History

1678 – The Godiva Procession, held in honour of Lady Godiva’s naked ride on horseback through the streets of Coventry, England in protest against her husband’s treatment of the citizens, began.  

1889 – The South Fork Dam on Lake Conemaugh in Pennsylvania, USA failed, killing over 2,200 people in the Johnstown Flood.

1974 – Syria and Israel signed a disengagement agreement to resolve the 20 day Yom Kippur War, after Israel retained the Sinai Peninsula and Golan Heights.