Sienner Speaks

Sienner Miller would like to take this time to tell the tabloids and all of their ilk to bugger off!  “What I do in my spare time is my business,” Sienner told Access Hollywood .  “I’ve never been late for work, I’ve never missed a day of work so what I do when I’m not working is what I do and if they want to document and make it dramatic that is their business.”

Yeah, it’s all editing!  That’s what all the slags say!  Sorry, Sienner, but thou does protest too much.   I was trolling the web for a picture to illustrate this post and I was hard-pressed to find one that didn’t involve her naked or spruced up on fermented grape juice.   

Anyways, in addition to telling the press to back the fuhk up (via Access Hollywood, nonetheless!), Sienner is on a mission to urge slags the world over to buy that stupid fashion line she has with her sister, called Twenty8Twelve –  which incidentally, is the date of her birth and not the number of blokes she’s shagged throughout the ages.  That number is a wee bit higher.   Just kidding!   

Anyways, the collection will be available at Bergdorf’s and Neiman-Marcus here in the states.  Sienner cites “Dickensian London“ and “Patti Smith” as inspirations for the collection.   As for me, I’ll be buying every item in every color — no joke!

Mr. and Mrs. Jolie-Pitt

Because Posh and Becks have been grabbing all the limelight as of late, I thought it’d be sweet to do some reportage on Brad and Angie — not that they give a damn.   Anyways, despite reports from the two that marriage is for suckers (just kidding, they never said that), they seem to be warming up to the idea  — and by “warming up”, I mean drawing up a $220 million pre-nuptial agreement.

That’s what I heard, anyway.   Anyways, supposedly Brangelina will tie the knot next spring and are having the papers drafted so that in case they get a D-vorce, their kids will be in a good spot financially.  Someone who knows them very well and loves them very much told the press that:  ”They are very responsible parents and want to protect their children’s futures, so are making sure all their assets are accounted for in this pre-nup.”

All righty then!  Why do they need a prenup when they both net about 12 billion a year?  Oh, who cares!  The important thing is that Brad and Angie are getting married and none too soon, because  I sort of can’t stand those people who say rubbish like “We don’t need a piece of paper telling us our love is legit”.   Yeah, you sort of do, bitches!   Just kidding.

Sorcery

Still “shitter” than Winehouse, though!

Just kidding.  Hey folk, did you know that there is such a thing as The National Beauty Poll in England?  Prob not, but whatevs!  They just announced that people overwhelmingly think that Lily Allen is a hotter slag than her nemesis, Cheryl Tweedy!   

Cheryl once called Lily a “chick with a dick” and sent Lily off on that infamous Myspace tirade wherein she dubbed herself  “uglier than Cheryl and shitter than Winehouse” or something along those lines.

 The general consensus of the pollsters was that personality and a sense of humor trumps looks anyday, and the fact that Amy Winehouse beat out Kate Moss, was cited to prove this, or something. 

Click the link for more details.  Below is a pic of Cheryl and her Footballer hubby, who  doesn’t mind that he’sprobably married to a racist.  She once called a woman a “jigaboo” at a London nightclub — a lawsuit ensued and everything.

P.S.  Lily is way cute, but it sucks to be Kate Moss right now!   

  

Sorcery

I’ll believe anything at this point

There’s a whole mess of Britney Spears news to cover so I’ll lay it all out in one glancing blow.  First order of business:  The slag just filled out an application to work at Les Deux, a bar in Hollywood frequented by the dumb arse losers who star in The Hills and Laguna Bitch — I mean Laguna Beach.  You may be asking yoursleves what could have possessed her to do this.   Understand that it was the sexy corsets the slags who work there have to wear.   No joke.

Britney aka ‘Ms. Einstein Jr.’:  ”filled out the application, including her work history, address, social security number, and then she went to a back room for an interview with the manager.”

All the folk present at the time thought she was joking, but a witness said she was serious as bloody surgery.  Of course she was – she’s certifiably insane!   By the way, she should have applied for a job at Hooters, instead, because them girls are basically little Spearses anyways.

Second order of business:   Brit’s hell-bent on putting out another record, and she should be releasing a single in the next few weeks with a ”surprising” new sound.   A source said: “It’s a very new sound for her.  I think people will be surprised.”

Yeah,  surprised if and only if it doesn’t suck!   By the way, this is my favorite pic of Einstein Jr!  She may have severe emotional and intellectual obstacles, but at least the slag has personality –  and personality goes a long way.     

Sorcery

Keira Knightley’s ex is whiny little bitch

Jamie Dornan regrets dating Keira Knightley because no one mentions his stupid arse name without uttering hers in the same breath.   Says the ex-model and actor: “People knew me in the fashion world before I started going out with Keira because I’ve done some good work but it’s proving so hard to lose the stigma that’s attached.  I can’t shake off the title of Keira Knightley’s ex-boyfriend.”

The poor wittle baby!   Keira Knightley’s ex also bitched about the fact that he’s in a band and they were “creating awareness” before Sienner Miller’s BFF came around.  He sounds like a real winner, this one.   Who says things like “creating awareness”?  By the way, I’m pretty sure she DUMPED his ass hardcore.  He probably dated her just to get some press anyway, and that shit backfired. 

P.S.  I didn’t post a pic of Keira Knightley’s ex because  he’s irritating as hell.  There’s a pic of him in the categories list, if you’re the visual type.  

Sorcery

WTF?

Folk are some harsh critics!   I just saw some pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt under the caption ‘Guess who showed up in your mom’s body’? or something like that.  I didn’t like that so much because they were obviously insulting her.   She looks fine.   Women-folk tend to gain a few pounds over the years and that’s natural and okay (I hope).   

  

On This Day in History: Gerard Butler Edition (again)

* We’ve been down this road before, so sorry.   Like I said, I’m running out of idears!  Anyway, I was just talking to one of my buddies and we came to the conclusion that the worst Gerard Butler movie  ever has got to be “Timeline”.  What say you?

[ July 14 ]

1798 — The Sedition Act is passed making it a Federal crime to write, publish, or utter false or malicious statements about the United States Government.  Times have sure bloody changed innit?

1902 — The campanile in St. Mark’s Cathedral in Venice collapses.  DAMN!

1912  — Woodie Guthrie is born.   I like his name. 

1943 — George Washington Carver National Monument is the first National Monument in the U.S. erected in honor of an African-American.

 [ July 15 ]

1099 –  The First Crusaders take the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem.

1381 — John Ball, a member of the Peasant’s Revolt, is hung, drawn and quartered (what the fuh does that mean?) in the presence of King Richard II of England.

1776  — Thomas Bulfinch is born.   He was an American Mythologist.  You may have heard of Bulfinch’s Mythology.  Or perhaps you have not.

1779 – The Rosetta Stone is found in the Egyptian village of… Rosetta.

1815 — Napoleon Bonaparte surrenders from aboard the HMS Bellerophon. 

1823 — In Rome, the ancient Basilica of St. Paul is consumed and destroyed by fire.

MORE GERARD PICS!