It’s not that big, really.

If you think this fish looks big, bear in mind that these two genteman are each about 2 inches tall.  Just kidding, slags.  Um, I know this isn’t gossip or anything, but it is pretty inaresting and I’m a sucker for nature.  

This giant arse carp wieghs about as much as Janet Jackson!  It totally blew the other giant arse carp out of the water regarding world records because the last one was around 88 pounds and this thing weighs twice that and some change.  When they caught it, it  ”kept slapping people with its tail.”  That’s tight! 

P.S.  I think Jessica Simpson’s mouth is a little larger than the fishes mouth.   See, I worked some gossip in there.

P.P.S.  That guy on the left totally needed to shag something when he got home.

Sorcery

Close. Your. Damn. Mouth.

Big mouthed Yes-sica Simpson debuted her dumb ass swimsuit collection the other day.  The stock sold out in two minutes flat!  Just kidding.   It would have, though, if they’d listened to me and included matching Ken Paves wigs.  Really, peeps, I am making all sorts of stuff up.   I’m sure her collection did well because people can be real dumb and eat crap like this up for no good reason except that a dumb celebrity was involved.  

By the way, Yessica Simpson will put her name on anything!   She’d design a collection of hypodermic needles if the price was right.

P.S.  She’s showing off her line of swimsuits but the slag ain’t wearing a swimsuit!  How bloody stupid is that?    

I’m bored as frigging hell!

… So I just thought I’d get something off my chest.   When I was in high school, it was cool to listen to Courtney Love.   She was still a member of a band named Hole and they rocked.  By the way, even if it wasn’t cool to listen to her band, I would have done it.  Hole made some kick arse music, slags!   Feel free to disagree, though!

Anyway, this bitch is off her tits.  She’s crazy and sloppy and she blows.  I mean she was always crazy and sloppy, but the slag didn’t use to blow.  What’s with the bloody plastic ass surgery?   She totally hates herself!   I mean, yeah she was no Helen of Troy in the old days, but at least she was walking around with the face Zeus wanted her to have and not this sick ass fugly plastic silly putty fug creation she’s been sporting as of late.   I won’t even talk about her atrophied figure.   Damn,  I bloody well hate this slag!  

Okay, I’m done.  Have a good evening, peeps.

Peteyshambles

Just thought you’d be interested to know that Pete Doherty checked himself into rehab…. and checked himself out 5 minutes later.   Said a source:   “Pete entered the Detox 5 clinic on Sunday night — strangely wearing two trilby hats — but soon after his luggage and a guitar were put in a car and he was driven away.”

He had a hot date with someone named Dirty Needle, I think.   Lots of you won’t care about this story,  but I think Pete is an underrated babe and I want him to get well.  This all just makes my heart ache in ways it’s never ached before.   Kate Moss needs to get over herself and stop playing hardball with my baby and she also needs to get back involved in his life because it’s in bloody shambles.

By the way, less than 24 hours after splitting rehab, he was pulled over by the police for tossing “rubbish” out the ‘winder’ of his stupid car. 

Sorcery

Becks getting a beverage. Exciting.

Beck’s is getting into the groove of Lurs Anjerleez (that’s how the Brits say ‘Los Angeles’, so shut your faces)!  Here he is at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, which is loads better than Starbuck’s in my humble opinion.   He was hounded by the paps outside, but inside  — as you can see – no one gives a holy damn about his weathered, but gorgeous ass.    

On This Day in History: July 17th

* Cameron Diaz is an annoying slag but atleast she seems to be having a good time or something!  Whatevs.  Tons of shit went down today, so I just straight up pilfered from Wikipedia.  Enjoy.  By the way, I’m busy as hell this week, so posts may be few and far between, but understand that I appreciate and lurve all of you slags who come and visit me and understand that I will try to get some posts in.  Things should be back to normalz in a few days.   Have a good day, Monsters!  

180 - Twelve peeps of Scillium in North Africa executed for being Christians.  This is the earliest record of Christianity in that part of the world.
 
1203 – The Fourth Crusade captures Constantinople.  They effed up, though,  The Pope yelled at their assses and everything.  This is the crusade Kingdom of Heaven really hsould have been about because some hard-core insane shit happened.

1762 - Catherine II becomes tzar of Russia because of the accidental murder of Peter III of Russia.

1771 – Bloody Falls Massacre: Chipewyan chief Matonabbee traveling as the guide to Samuel Hearne on his Arctic overland journey, massacre a group of unsuspecting Inuit.

1791 – Massacre at the Champ de Mars, Paris, during the French Revolution.  1200-1500 French slags were killed, including women and children.  DAMN!

Paddington Hair

Gawd, that was a lame post title!  I only said it because these shots of Amy Winhouse and her ridiculously handsome husband, Blake were taken at Paddington Station in London.   Paddington Bear’s dumb arse used to live around here, so that’s why I said that.  I used to love that show, because it was a damn stuffed animal bear that had cravings for orange marmalade. 

By the way, I figured out what I find so odd about Amy Vinocasa (except for the obvious) –  The slag looks like a 1970s comic book character!  And every shot of her looks like it was drawn or manipulated by a master over at Marvel.   Can’t wait for the movie! 

P.S.  Dig the ghetto-arse watermarks?  I’m not worried about anyone lifting these,  I just thought they needed some flair.   If I was smart, I would’ve added some comic book captions.