And to think I almost sidled off without sending you all best wishes for the new year?! I’m not big on celebrating New Year’s, but in case you are: Have a good party, be safe, and don’t mimic Mischa Barton. I know I’m a little early, but some of you are in Australia and I think it’s already January 1st, 2008. Is it?
I don’t have any resolutions other than making a better concerted effort to get Orlando Bloom to shag me. And going to Europe. And finding a more reliable boyfriend. And blogging more responsibly.
Thanks guys, my 2007 was hot shit because of you!
* Here’s a pic of Cleopatra’s Galley. I think she’s on her way to shag Mark Antony. I know it has absolutely nothing to do with New Years day, but it was in my hard drive, and I thought you might dig the colors. It was either that or a lame ass pyrotechnical display; I think I’ve made the right decision.
Much Lurve,
Anners
I’m too ephing lazy to shrink this phucking picture! It’s way huge, and I apologize. It’s Daniel Kessler from Interpol! Damn, he’s pious. I think he may be having a word with the higher power. Or maybe he’s just signing an autograph (Do the Amish use pens? hahaha).
Geez, I haven’t perved on Banksy in ages! Sorry. Like I said, I’ve been busy. Actually I have a minor confession to make… believe it or not but there were a couple days when I woke up and Banksy was not the first thought in my head. Calm down, I’m just kidding. The first thought is always: “God! Why did you create me? Do you enjoy watching a stupid bytch suffer?” Banksy is the second… I’m kidding. I don’t have any thoughts, evers.
My original point is that there were actually a few days that I fell out of love with Cola Gorda. No Interpol! Didn’t even go to the messboards! Isn’t that sad? Or maybe it’s just healthy… Whatevers, I’m all fired up about Banksy and his AYB again. I think it was the pictures on the Cola Gorda page that did it and that hot shit pic of him at the pool table! Didn’t find any stellar pictures on the messboards, though. This is why Kessler sits here before you…
I guess he’s kinda cute. He’s no Banksy, though. Banksy has the sinister vibe that I dig so much in menfolk.
Anyway, we already made fun of Banksy (Cola Gordisms, etc) and Comarose suggested we go ahead and make up some Cola Gordisms for Kessler. Here go mine (sorry they’re so lame, I don’t know enough about him to poke fun and it’s already been said that he churns butter….)
* He ballet dances within the safe confines of his home.
* He eats Flaming Hot Cheetos.
* He watches Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
* He thinks knows HOlena Christensen is fugly. <—– hahahhaha.
(more…)
“Nessy, can you believe that just three short years ago nobody gave a holy damn about us? OMG! It’s so much easier to communicate orally these days with that pesky nose thing taken care of. I toldja about that, right? That I got my nose did for health reasons?”
“Yes, Ashley, you did. 100 times, like. And for the record, people only give a damn about ’us’ because I did something skanky a few months ago. *Naked pics* Hey, why the hell are your denims clasped under your sandals? That’s like so Sienner Miller and she’s so… whatever.”
(more…)
Hi slags! First of all, I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been bitter. Santa Clause forgot to put OrlandHo Bloom under my tree. I’m just kidding. *No, I’m not!* Actually I figured everybody was out enjoying the Holidays…. I’m full of shit! I’ve been busy and tired and bitter and that’s why I haven’t been able to post… not that there’s any stupid gossip to report, anyway. Whatever. A trip to a Whorelando messboard always cheers me up!
There’s a new thread a crazy little slag started (It was Wanda!). She worries about Orlando! What if his beautiful arse gets stranded on some film location without a cellphone handy? Jeez.Us! ‘What if’ questions iz futile! God controls the hand; stop worrying and go shag something. Just kidding. Anyway, there’s nothing to worry about concerning Orlando. Bytch is immortal. He fell off a roof, yet walks like a stud. I bet it didn’t even hurt him.
* I want to laugh, but this is really just phucking weird. She’s worried about Orlando and I’m worried about her worrying about Orlando… I’m losing hair over this.
Here’s her post:
I have a confession to make:
I worry excessively about Orlando. Yes, it’s true.
Case and point: He’s in HK (Hong Kong) right now and even though I’d seen pictures of him there, I was still worried something would happen to him or whatever, but someone posted a video on OBLove of him just walking, smiling and talking on his cell, and I just felt flooded with relief….Like “Oh my god he’s ok…” type thing.
Now call me INSANE, but that’s how I work….does anyone else feel that way? Have you worried about him when he went to X location or you knew he was doing something specific and when you actually got documentation of him (pictures/video/etc) of him wherever, you felt better?
I think I need to have children, so I can worry about them…*sigh*
This thread is now open to confessions of worrying about OB
Here’s a response:
(more…)
Kate Bosworth looks like a happy little clown. She did her make-up in the dark or something. So anyway, where’s Jamers? Pictures of Kate are much better when James Rousseau are in them (but only if his mouth is closed shut).
I ask: Where’s the gossip? There is no gossip people! I’m going to just end up making dumb ass commentary about slags for the remainder of the week (like this post).
Shiny spandex leggings are not nice. Stop wearing this shit, please. And shame all over Lindsay for allowing her creepy little sister to go out like this…
Somebody got themselves a DUI this morning. It was the slag in the above picture, Mischa Barton. She used to be an actress, I think. According to TMZ, Mischa was crusing down La Cienega Blvd in West Hollywood and “was seen straddling two lanes of traffic and failed to signal when making a turn.” She’s being charged with a whole bunch of shit. DUI, driving without a license, and possession of narcotics. That’s a whole lot of crap, Mischa!
She was held in jail for about 7 hours before her mamma pulled up in a black Mercedes and bailed her arse out around 10 am. Her mugshot is stellar.
Sorcery
Ha. I’m so sorry if this is way too much Orlando Bloom this week. But I just went to the IMDB messboard and I had to share the fact that slags are in an uproar over those recent pics of him in Los Angeles with Miranda Kerr. They want to know why his ass (pictured) is in Hollywood and not at home with his family in England. After all, it is Christmastime. Hahahahahahaha. That kills me and I don’t know why. They think he’s ‘going Hollywood’ and it’s upsetting them. Actually, a lot of stuff upsets those girls! They are directing all sorts of personal barbs at each other. If you’d like to witness the carnage for yourself just go to imdb.com and type Orlando Bloom into the search tab. Scroll to the bloody bottom…
In my humble opinion, he’s probably in Hollywood because he’s trying to salvage what’s left of his career. I’m sorry, Orlando, but your last few years on screen have sucked really badly. It’s really quite remarkable how vile Elizabethtown was! And you did that damn cosmetics commercial in Japan. That was super bad and cheesy. Almost had to dump you over that! Almost. I’m basically never going to dump you! You’re far too adorable for that, even if you do shag attenuated wenches who have dimples embedded in their cheeks. Is he even shagging her? Some of the slags were saying they are prob just friends. I’ll keep my bloody fingers crossed!
By the way, I did not caption that above picture. I found it on the messboard. It’s an old pic, from the era when he was crazy sessy coool. Is that a crack or just shadows? Me thinks it be shadows.
