Shut The Eph Up, Keirers!
Oh, how I love re-re gossip articles about Keirers Knightley! Here’s the latest (I just cut and pasted that shiz):
Unfazed By Mother’s Sex Scene….
Actress Keira Knightley was happy to film a sex scene for new movie The Edge Of Love – even though the naked romp was written by her mother. The movie’s screenplay was penned by Knightley’s mum, Sharman Macdonald, who also served as a producer on the project. Knightley insists that knowing her mother is capable of writing about steamy clinches didn’t faze her and she was happy to strip off wherever necessary. She says, “She dared to put a sex scene in it. It didn’t worry me that my mother knows what sex is. “Come to think of it, I was found under an apple tree. My mother is a virgin. I had no hissy fits when she presented me with the scene”.
Oh dear. She’s annoying me again. She’s a grouch. Whenever grouches try to sound smart and funny they end up sounding cantankerous. Zip it, Keirers! It is cool beans that she is the direct result of parthenogenesis, though. She was also probably born with that sharp set of teethers of hers. Good thing she was found under an apple tree! Poor thing was prob hungry and I’m sure she had no trouble getting at them apples.
jay z kicks keester for this
so i know some of you have heard and/or have been following all the drama regarding jay z performing at glastonbury. lame ass noel gallagher very loudly made his opinion known that he didn’t think a rapper should be performing at a “rock” festival much less headlining one. loads have people have come to jay z’s defense since festivals are traditionally about being able to see and hear new bands along with all the other great acts that headline. duh!
so this is the part where jay z kicks ass. he opened with wonderwall by oasis. what a marvelous bitch smack back at that arrogant git!!! all i have to say is i so wish i could have been there for that! here is the video from youtube. enjoy!!
update! they aren’t allowing embedding for some reason right now so if you are so inclined check out the video here.
Pamela Does Not Like Jessica Simpson
I almost hate to bring up the Jessica Simpson “Real Girls Eat Meat” T-shirt again, but Pamela Anderson is forcing me to do this. She’s forcing me to doing this by having made the following brilliantly crocked statement in response to Jessica’s silly t-shirt. Sayeth Pamela: “I think she is a bitch and a whore. Actually, I don’t know if she was talking about food or men.”
Yeah, I don’t know, either! But neither does Jessica, because Jessica is stupid. I’m not even going to make any statements about Pamela’s life in regard to this quote because she’s too cool to be called out for anything at this juncture in time.
Snitch.
You’d think reporting on Anne Hathaway’s crooked ass boyfriend, Rollingonthe Floorlaughing Raffaello Follieri, would be sort of exciting, but it ain’t! Anyway, his vile and corrupt arse is under investigation for shady business dealings, he’s been arrested, and it seems that as though she helped the FBI put his ass away. One of this friends made the following deductive statement: “It makes sense. Hathaway is referred to as his former girlfriend in the FBI indictment even though her spokesman never confirmed they broke up. . . I think that, in return for her cooperation, the feds held off on arresting Follieri until Hathaway was out of the country.”
That’s cold, Anne Hathaway. Very, very cold.
This is so boring.
The Hobby Horse Tricked Me !
Sienners fooled my arse! She fooled us all! Even Rhys Ifans was convinced she was getting her sessual jollies on with Matthew Rhys, her co-star in The Edge of Love. Slag is shagging Balthazaar Getty! I would have no problem with this save for the minor fact that this whore is married with four kids! That withstanding, Balthy is a hot piece: he’s a Getty (those hobags have some damned impressive museums) and he’s named after a foul beast from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
For those who are fond of facts, Sienna is a thieving, cheating nymph. Folks are saying that she’s been going on secret dates with Mr. Getty since March. She crushed Rhys’ heart to death like last month. You do the math!
These two met on the set of G.I Joe. Whatevz! More like G.I. Ho. Yes. They met on a movie set and bonded like atoms. Apparently things got all sorts of wonderful all sorts of suddenly and this is what led to the demise of her near-perfect union with Rhys Ifans, the hottest man in the western world.
The requisite source quote:
“When Sienna realised she had feelings for Balthazar, she ended her relationship with Rhys over the phone. She wanted to do the right thing before things really happened between her and Balthazar. Since then things have quickly got very intense between them.”
Balthy’s wife is currently consulting with divorce lawyers.
The photos are pics of Sienners and Balthy being inappropriately affectionate with each other in Prague. A commoner slag took them and sent them to Michael K at dlisted. Sienners seems to think highly of her back because she is forever wearing backless dresses and shiz.
Brangie update
It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these – Angie was spotted playing with 2 of her adorable munchkins, Zahara and Shiloh. It seems pretty clear she hasn’t given birth to those twins yet.
Angie and Brad recently donated $1 million dollars to Iraqi and American kids suffering the effects of war. It sure is nice to know some good exists in the world.
rob dickinson (catherine wheel) – shag or gag?
last night i was able to go see rob dickinson (the former lead singer of catherine wheel) perform at the mercury lounge here in nyc and he certainly did not disappoint! and i happen to think he’s quite dashing and handsome myself. he’s also incredibly charming and kind and seems to be a fairly nice guy all around. his solo album is called fresh wine for the horses and was just re-released with 6 catherine wheel songs re-worked and i happen to lurve it a lot. so i am proposing him for a shag or gag. included below are some more pics as well as some old catherine wheel songs and a taste of his solo stuff to acquaint the slags who aren’t yet familiar with this gorgeous specimen:
black metallic (catherine wheel) from ferment – live from the show last night:
Just Thought I’d Share…
I found this on JustJared. Someone is terribly upset that folk are making fun of Miranda Kerr and her fake boyfriend, Orlando Bloom…
..stop it…….just stop it!!!!!!!!!
stop being so mean!!!!! its cruel!!!!!
to say such things, its so heartless how can you???!!!!!
please just stop it hurts,
it hurts when you say such sensless things about people!!!
i dont know why i care, but i do,
when you call him names, insult him, mock him…why???
it hurts please just stop!!!!
what sort of pleasure do you get??
to say shes ugly?? do you get joy in that?? have you ever seen the look on someones face when you say such a thing to them?? i have. its like watching their soul get torn apart, you see it in their face….
it HURTS THEM!!!!!!!!
please…. why must you….why must everyone be so cruel???
is that the world we want??/ to live in?? to raise our familys in??
such sensless words…
“Earthquakes Of Frustration And Anxiety”
John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are annoying tards. He’s performing in England and she managed to put her cheesy Jackie Collins character, white wine-swilling life on hold long enough to drag her ass out of bed and follow him across the pond. That was sweet of her!
Too bad she made such a big ephing deal about it. She arrived at Heathrow Airport and was whisked past the awaiting paps “by a huge security entourage comprising eight airport security guards, four policemen and two armed anti-terror officers.”
Is this shiz necessary?! I don’t think so! No one wants to see pictures of Lady Boss. Ever.
I leave you with a quote from Lady Boss’ boyfriend, John Mayer. Sayeth John: “These moments (of being chased by photographers) that are not at all rosy, are seemingly earthquakes of frustration and anxiety”.
I phucking hate him. And his stupid mouth.
Thank You, Kate
Underneath that scowl and swag, Kate Moss has some sweet ass manners! Yesterday I mentioned that the slag was ten minutes late to Leah Wood’s wedding. Kate felt bad, yo! So she has since offered to send the bride and groom on a second mother-ephing honeymoon! Maybe she’ll send them to the Dr. Phil House because those hos were looking mighty uneasy.
A fugly source told some GD newspaper that: “Leah was lost in a moment as she exchanged vows with the love of her life when Kate stole the spotlight as her heels clattered on the flagstones.”
That was poetic. And unnecessary.
This same source also said this: “Kate eventually couldn’t apologize enough. The promise of a second honeymoon before the couple had even gone on their first was enough for Leah and Jack to let it go.”
What a bunch of greedy wankers, really. I would have accepted Kate’s apology. She is a goddess. A goddess with crack in her nostrils. Look how fabulous she is!
Dingo!
Orlando Bloom is sooo transparent. He’s still hankering for Bozzers! He’s trying to one-up her at every turn! She started dating a model (James Rousseau), so he started dating a model. And not just any model. Nooooo! A model with bona fide dingo DNA. Its name is Mirandingo Kerr. It’s not very bright, and it keeps calling itself a supermodel, even though I’ve never known a supermodel that was half dingo and half re-re. Usually they’re 100% re-re.
Here’s some of its work this past weekend at some shiz called the Gran Canaria Moda Calida Fashion Show in Spain. I’ve never heard of this GD event until the dingo (dis)graced the dingowalk. Top notch.
And where was Orlando during all of this pomp and circumstance? Hiding out in his HOtel, of course, watching Blue Crush.
* Oops! Okay, so Jaded has informed me that he wasn’t actually hiding. He was out hitting the pool, dining with his dingo bytch and showing his naked arse to the world. I added some pics of this momentous occasion… when is Whorelando going to realize that this slag is setting him up?!
My Boyphriend!!!
There is no reason for this post. I just get really happy when my boyfriend, Ben Barnes, shows up on the media circuit.
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