Dingo Alert!
Wanda found this article in some Oz publication. Here is my annotated edition.
ONE of Hollywood’s hottest couples, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom (Kerrbloom) is set to reignite Sydney next month when she flies in to make her debut appearance on the David Jones runway.
[Hottest or lamest? Booyah!]
The sizzling show, Summer In The City, with a campaign shot in the steamy beaches of Rio de Janeiro, is sure to be the sexiest that the store has ever staged. And not only because Kerr’s lover will be seated front and centre.
[Oooh. Summer In The City. That's like, ridiculously original, David Jones. The beaches of Rio de Janeiro are steamy? What? Are there Sulphur deposits in the sand? ... Her fake 'lover' will be front and center like an aging show pony.]
“We’re looking at our schedules at present to see whether we can work it,” she said, speaking exclusively to Hush from their home in New York.
[Um, I'm pretty sure Orlando is available. His schedule is clear from last year till end-times.]
It’s obvious that the former Gunnedah gymnast is in lurve but, as for news of an engagement, she insists that she is just “taking it one day at a time”.
[This doesn't even make any GD sense.]
The major challenge for the couple is finding the time to be together. A recent romantic getaway in Spain was upstaged when the paparazzi stole intimate shots of the semi-naked couple frolicking together in the sun.
[The paps didn't steal shit. And I didn't see much frolicking betwixt the two of them. He was on the phone and she was trying desperately to get his attention by lounging around with no top on. Didn't work.]
“We chose a boutique hotel there with just 100 rooms to keep ourselves away from those camera lenses,” Kerr insisted. “But they found us anyway. It was such an invasion of our privacy.”
[Oh they found you? You mean they weren't ordered to be there? Bytch you're invading my privacy every time I look up at the TV and see your stinky cabbage head gazing at me through the TV screen.]
Bloom was, unfortunately, not able to accompany Kerr to Rio where the David Jones campaign was shot at several locations including Ipanema Beach, Copacabana Beach and Sugar Loaf Bay.
[... A fancy way of saying he couldn't be bothered with her juice-fasting dingo ass.]
“It was just as well that he wasn’t there because I had to work so hard,” she said.
[Doh!]
“There were 30 swimsuits, 250 pieces of clothing and 20 pairs of sunglasses to shoot. But it was certainly a lot of fun, as well.”
[30 whole swimsuits? Jeebus Criest! That's too many. 20 pairs of sunglasses? Good God No! Let's all be thankful her paws didn't fall off from removing sunglasses 20 times. Also, it's amazing she didn't develop carpal tunnel syndrome. I won't even bring up the number of pieces of clothing she had to wear. Don't laugh! It must be hard for a four-legged scoundrel to put all this shit on and then take it off all over again.]
Meanwhile, the supermodel has been busily penning Treasure Yourself - her self-help tome for young women encouraging them to look after themselves especially when it comes to nutrition. She wants to promote the idea that you don’t have to be a size zero to be beautiful.
[why don't you simply 'Treasure yourself 'by not buying this shit and also by flinging a cabbage at her head if you run into her in the street. Or in the woods.]
Despite the fact that she is so much in demand as a Victoria’s Secret model, Kerr is relishing the idea of doing her first show on August 5, as David Jones Fashion Ambassador. “I think it is really exciting and I am thrilled to be part of such a wonderful show,” she said.
[Bytch has dollar signs embedded in her irises.]
“I always love coming home to Australia.”
[That's because no other place in the world can stand your dingo ass. Also 'home to Australia?' As opposed to ...'home to Saturn?' Dumb ass!]
Miranda, shut your face. Stop talking. Just stand there and try to look pretty. Emphasis on the word ‘try’.
Have a good weekend, all! 
Hark The Herald!
Brangie have just birthed their churren in Nice, France. They had a boy and a girl. The girl is named Vivienne Marcheline (cute!) and the boy is named Knox (sounds like a radio station) Leon. The doctor says that “Everything is going well. The mother, the babies, the father are doing marvelously well.”
Well, all righty then! The more details I disclose, the more re-re this all seems in the first place. I mean, seriously. Women have babies all year long. Babies are good. If you think you need more info, please click the source.
Speckled Like A Cougar
I fall off the Interpol wagon for two seconds and everybody changes their damn faces and stuff? I was first alerted to Cola’s haircut by Master Tsukai a few days ago. Or was it a week and some change? I don’t know! Whatever, it was a good move; he needed a damn haircut. Then Morgan threw a small squee party on her blog about Cola’s brand new grey arm band. It’s hot! I love his ginormous wrist/arm bands! Infinitely sessual.
So I hit up the messboards again. Glad to see that nothing has ephing changed! Cola still rules supreme on the photo thread. There are 4604 posts for his Ashtanga Yoga Booty alone! Impressive. Carlos is at 1984 posts, the Amish Boy is at 1116, and FogarinHo is at 674. What the eph? Show some damn respect to Samuel, bytches! Just start posting shit on there so he doesn’t feel bad when he visits. You know he does, BTW. They all do. Even the Cougar! Are there any new mods over there? If so, be assured that she is one of them. She’s watching us. I swear to the heavens that woman googles her self each and every morning after her quotidian phone call to Josh Hartnett.
There was a point to all this. I stumbled across a review of Interpol’s Manchester show on Female First. For the uninitiated, it’s an online British tabloid, and that scared the bejeezus out of me. I’m used to seeing stories about Rhys Ifans drowning his sorrows in booze because Sienna Miller dumped him, not stories about Interpol. It’s corny as hell, by the way. I pasted it for you. You’re phucking welcome.
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