Run Whorelando, Run!
Are my quotidian libations to the almighty Zeus, Athena, and Aphrodite actually paying off? People, let this be a reminder that laying out the bones for the gods is not something to discount during times of distress! I’ve been throwing down bones since that damned awful day last Fall that Janers started posting some business about MY EPHING BOYPHRIEND (Orlando Bloom) shagging a phucking phugly dingo named Miranda Kerr aka Cabbage Patch Bytch, and lo and behold, it looks like they are well on their way to a break-up. W000000000t, bytches!!!
The dingo is the worst kind of hobaggery imaginable, BTW. A liar, a fake, and a shameless hussy. Parading my man around like he’s her bytch. Pure and simple, she’s been taking advantage of the fact that he is going through a complete and utter depression. He needs help. She’s taking advantage! She’s a loose-lipped fame hog and she found a sucker onto which she could hook her dingo clutches into. And all you Miranda Kerr supporters can eph off! Your idol is a heathen, okay? She’s not smart, she’s ungrateful, and she’s not smart! Go buy a clue and stop buying her BS.
Back to the (possible) break-up! Wanda, Jaded, Poor Orlando, and the hot slags at the Delphi cabbage forum have alerted me to the best article of all time! In Touch Magazine has proclaimed that the animal/human union of Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr has went bust. It’s not even worth quoting, so I’m not gonna quote. But I will say she has been spotted swapping mouth juice with Brandon Davis. Swell! I don’t care about how gross he is, either. If this psychotic avaricious baby-faced dingo slut wants to make sessual jollies with a nasty pervert, that’s her own damned business. Bytch is out of my hair at this point.
By the way, I am simply celebrating the fact that this article exists. That is all. It’s kind of too good to be true, me thinks! For all I know, the evil dingo has spread this shit to keep her stupid name active in the google search engine up until that silly fashion show of hers takes place. I shan’t be surprised if I wake up tomorrow morning and they are holding hands in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard wearing promise rings and shiz. Naked.
We’ll see what happens!
P.S. Wanda just reminded me that this possible break-up was the direct result of her 24-hour Hunger Strike.
* Former sessy lurker, Ana, has just informed me that the Australian equivalent of CNN is reporting that this fake ass relationship is a dead as disco! Thank you, Ana! That’s good news! Until I get official word from his peoples, though, I have to assume they are still making stick fires. So Operation Save Whorelando is still in effect, slag faces! Once I get the word that this mess is the real deal, Operation Make Orly Shaggable Again will commence.
** Why am I not jumping all over the couch Tom Cruise-style right now? Shouldn’t I be happy? I need proof! Orlando Bloom, get your dumb ass over to this blog and say something! I love youououou, Whorelando!!!!1
^ Can you feel the love? Yeah, me either!
^ Orlando, are you prepared to let this go?
^ I’m serious Orlando! Are you willing to give this re-re dingo up?
^ Please start looking like this again, PlZ.
I don’t think Channel 10 is really equivalent to CNN. It’s the station that airs Big Brother.
I hope the story isn’t true – why must aussie models insists on bringing shame to the country by hooking up with Mischa Barton’s greasy leftovers?
Janers
July 16, 2008 at 10:59 PM
Thank you Janers! Hee! Big Brother!!!!
I hope this shiz is 500% true.
Anners Scribonia
July 16, 2008 at 11:07 PM
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,24034799-5001021,00.html
Not just yet.
Jaded
July 16, 2008 at 11:39 PM
“Currently residing at the New York home of the Victoria’s Secret stunner, Kerr’s younger brother Matthew and Mother Therese told Confidential they were “frustrated and upset” to read the fabricated report currently being splashed across celebrity gossip sites worldwide.”
Why did they capitalize mother? I read it the first time as Mother Theresa. And we shouldn’t really be dragging the sainted woman’s name through the mud like that.
Proofreading is your phriend, Daily Telegraph.
And that whole family seems like a bunch of fame whore, huh?
However Greasy Bear is really more up her alley.
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 16, 2008 at 11:58 PM
*whores.
Proofreading is my phriend, as well.
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Mirandingo is a bit re-re but so is Whorlando. Greasy bear is just fiflthy – I know she isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but she surely can’t be stupid enough to make a downgrade like that?
Janers
July 17, 2008 at 12:10 AM
But he’s a fame whore, and it seems like they’d be perfect for one another. Whorely doesn’t seem like such a fame whore to me.
But you are right, Janers, they are both a bit re-re
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 12:24 AM
Hahahhahahahahhaa! Jaded, that was fast. I knew her dumb ass was gonna respond in like 10 seconds. Toldja she set it up. Well I told someone…
Daners: hee! Mother Theresa.
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 12:54 AM
I cancelling my subscriptions to Famous Magazine, OK Weekly, New Weekly and Who Magazine and I’m subscribing to In Touch Weekly. That magazine is journalistic brilliance!!
As for the Daily Telegraph, if Mirandho’s people asked them to print a full page article that said nothing but “Miranda is a Supermodel” repeatedly, they would do it. They suck.
Greasy Bear might be well…..greasy, but he’s rolling in cash which opens a lot of doors that Orly couldn’t even shoulder ram open (hahaha, that’s quite a visual) so I’m not sure that Brandon Davis is actually a downgrade. But he sure does make me wanna vomit in my neighbours bushes (I’m not puking in my own garden)!
Daners, I’m certain Greasy Bear has already been up her alley.
And Channel 10 is definitely not equivalent to CNN.
joders
July 17, 2008 at 1:31 AM
Joders! OMG seriously. When is The Daily Telegraph going to stop sucking Mirandingo’s cock? Jeeeeebus!
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 1:33 AM
“Daners, I’m certain Greasy Bear has already been up her alley.”
Jajldknfghnfgvdlikuh!!!!
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 1:35 AM
Also that pic of all the Vicky Secret models with their tallness and negative body fatness make me want to cry. However, the blonde model on the right has my skin tone. So yay to that, I suppose
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 1:46 AM
You want I should remove pic? They look so stupid. Sometimes you have to stare evil in the face, Daners.
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 1:50 AM
No, cause she even looks more like a cabbage in that pic.
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 1:53 AM
@ Anners: when she has a sex change operation.
And apparently GreasyB has been cut off from his inheritance, so there goes my theory about her attraction to him. So maybe it’s because she can save money on lubricant (and I’m not talking about for her car).
Frankly I don’t care what the attraction is just so long as there is one.
joders
July 17, 2008 at 1:54 AM
Daners, they don’t have fat in their bodies because the fat is all in their heads.
joders
July 17, 2008 at 1:56 AM
JOders, did you see the link? Miranda’s already denying the split. She and Whorles iz happier than ever BTW! hahaha. That story was a total plant.
I hate cabbage.
Hee hee Joders! I think that’s why she’s working so hard trying on 30 swimsuits and stuff. She’s saving up for a sex change.
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 1:56 AM
Seriously, do people really give money for these VS thingies? Really?
Jaded
July 17, 2008 at 1:57 AM
Of course MIRANDA is speaking out,. She does all the speaking out in this fauxmance. I don’t even think Orly really knows who she is. She just photoshops pics of them together so she can get her name out there.
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 1:58 AM
He thinks her name is Victoria Secret.
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 2:00 AM
lusidhgjblkfnvilsa!!!!
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 2:05 AM
That DT article is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever read.
I think Brandon and Miranda make a very handsome couple. With their oil slick complexions and all.
joders
July 17, 2008 at 2:14 AM
All this oil talk is making me very ill. And I think my face is breaking out because of it
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 2:16 AM
Oil of Olay.
I’m sleeeeepy.
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 2:22 AM
Me too
But I got to work tomorrow, so I’m trying to stay up 
Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
July 17, 2008 at 2:25 AM
Davis could ring out his hair in a bucket and they’d have enough oil to keep a KFC going for weeks.
Miranda is re-re coz she get’s labelled a ‘role model’ for teens coz she gets covered whore paint and glitter and goes prancing down a runway in her smalls. She then has the nerve to try and cash in by talking about body image and self-esteem in a book when she goes on GD juice fasts. Whorlando is re-re coz he causes car wrecks then abandons his injured friends in them.
Neither of them deserve the praise and attention they get.
jane121
July 17, 2008 at 3:08 AM
So this is what goes on when I’m asleep? Anners takes credit for the breakup? Have you all forgotten that I WENT ON A HUNGER STRIKE A MERE 24 HOURS BEFORE THE NEWS BROKE? Orlando was listening to me. He loves me best.
I laughed my size 10 ass off when I read the damage control her mommy was doing.
FYI (as I posted on my blog) Greasy Davis is more than just a nazty ass hobag. He is also a racist and a homophobe. It makes me want to toss my cookies that my boyfriend is playing six degrees of Kevin Bacon with that guy.
Wanda Rizzuto
July 17, 2008 at 3:52 AM
Wanda, I’m luvin your avatar.
Jaded
July 17, 2008 at 4:08 AM
Seriously.
Wanda that avatar is adorable! And I added your hunger strike in da post, okeys? Stop yelling @ moi!! The dingo’s marma needs to be pimp slapped…
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 4:12 AM
Well finally, some good news!
Homegirl needs a slap upside the head if she is swapping spit with Davis.
He is absolutely feral in every way.
Malanthers
July 17, 2008 at 5:58 AM
Again, I bring the news from delphi.
First of all, the girls want you to see this:
http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,5873631,00.jpg
And then there’s this opinion about your site (copy+paste):
****************
Today’s Blogsworth post is brilliant, as always.
“I am simply celebrating the fact that this article exists.” Me too.
**************
Jaded
July 17, 2008 at 9:28 AM
Yeah yeah, the link doesn’t work. I think you and the Delphi slags are conspiring to keep me from getting traffic. No one ever says I’m brilliant. You are so gonna miss me when I’m not around this weekend. *sniff*
Oh who am I kidding? I’m not sad, I’m loving this shite. I am gonna be so bummed on Monday when the sess tape comes out.
Wanda Rizzuto
July 17, 2008 at 9:47 AM
(But Jaded you could tell them to give me some love, couldn’t you?)
Wanda Rizzuto
July 17, 2008 at 9:50 AM
I definitely will, m’dear Kung Fu Wanda!
Funny, the link works for me.
Jaded
July 17, 2008 at 9:57 AM
Mama Bloom needs to beat the crap outa Mother Theresa. Who the effff has their mommy call a newspaper when the precious re re gets dumped?????????? Seriously. That’s sooo Lohan……. and that ain’t good.
SadieJo
July 17, 2008 at 10:04 AM
Poor Wanda. I think you’re Ab Fab. And Brill, and Chuff and I’m out of brit speak now but I am on my way to your site to submerge myself in your awsomeness.
Go Team Whorely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SadieJo
July 17, 2008 at 10:08 AM
Wanda, lurk over to delphi, they luuuurrve you there but your amazing wits scare them from commenting. If you remember, I was the same, I commented here and you asked me why I don’t read your blog.
Jaded
July 17, 2008 at 10:51 AM
Scared? Huh? I do lurk at Delphi, I never saw my name mentioned tho.
I’m out, see you guys Monday-ish.
Wanda Rizzuto
July 17, 2008 at 12:26 PM
Jaded, that’s Miranda’s ex. Jay? What did he call her? And why? I need info!
Bye Wanda!
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 2:33 PM
her ex sure seems like an arse – he’s fug too.
Janers
July 17, 2008 at 3:22 PM
Ms. Scribonia:
I cannot tell you how honored I am that YOU would mention me, Poor Orlando, in boldface even, in your most excellent blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel so special that the queen of the Whorelando blogosphere has noticed me. If all of this goes to pot and HE remains with HER, I’ll always remember this day, for you are the most wonderful RE-RE of them all and we are all blessed to have the joy of your writing bestowed upon us! BTW, whatever does re-re mean,anyway?
I would just like to add that if Whorley-boy ever wanted out, this is the perfect opportunity. Even if it was just an accidental casual meeting and a peck-on-the-cheek-hello, if Whorley doesn’t use this as his way out, then he absolutely deserves Dingorette and we all move on to “BEN-strike one-BARNES.” (For those of you who don’t know what that means, search this wonderful website for a real treat.) I, too, love BB and can’t understand for the life of me why he is not an international superstar yet. His time will come.
Ben, if you’re reading this…. Keep your arms and hands inside the car at all times ‘lest the Dingo bites ya! (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE “Whorelando Bloom Needs Saving” – especially Ben’s part!) Thank you for a great read!
Poor Orlando
July 17, 2008 at 5:34 PM
Oh no…. I just learned that JODERS wrote “Whorelando Bloom Needs Saving!” My sincerest apologies to you, Joders, for you are the second most brilliant writer on the Whorelando Blogosphere!
Oh, oh, now I’ve done it…. I cannot leave out Wanda Rizzuto at http://www.wandarizzuto.com/, who is totally up there in the top 3. And, then there’s terrific Ali-ers at http://brizite76.wordpress.com/category/orlando-bloom/. Finally, of course, all my friends, at least they feel like my friends at Delphi http://forums.delphiforums.com/orlandobloom77/start. My life is so full of entertainment on the computer, I threw away my television!
Poor Orlando
July 17, 2008 at 5:49 PM
You flatter me unduly, Poor Orlando! But you’re more than welcome.
This is a good time for him to take off, though. Very good point. He can blow this Davis thing out of proportion (as he should) and pack his bags and leave the dingwhore.
“re-re” means “retarded”. But don’t feel bad about calling me re-re; the title makes sense for me. Maybe more for Wanda, actuallly… Hahahaha!
“Whorelando Bloom Needs Saving” Do you mean the 10-part story? I didn’t write it, Joders did.
It is a great read, though. She’s brazilliant.
Have a good one.
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 6:16 PM
^ You were in the Spam file and I didn’t see it before I wrote my comment. Sorries.
You found Ali-ers! Sweetness!
Wanda, Joders, Ali-ers, and myself are a special ring of re-re Orlando Bloom Lovers… between us and you hot slags at delphi, the dingo is going down. ha.
Anners Scribonia
July 17, 2008 at 6:25 PM
I’m with you 100% on that. She’s goin’ down, way down under, in fact, and staying there. Perhaps we can all sign a petition to have her visa revoked for making false statements to the American Public. Surely, there’s gotta be a law… I’ll write my congressman.
Poor Orlando
July 17, 2008 at 8:33 PM
Nah u can keep her.
Janers
July 17, 2008 at 10:36 PM
Thank you Poor Orlando and Anners for the praise. Brilliant (or brazilliant) is not a word I would use to describe myself, but ok, if you insist!
Anners that link from Jaded is not a picture of Jay. It’s a picture of a guy called Adrian Camilleri. He and the dingo dated in 2003/04 for about 18 months. He is a (bankrupt) finance broker who last year faced 5 charges of fraud – something to do with investments for his clients or some such shit. I don’t recall if he was found guilty but he was facing up to 5 years in gaol.
@Poor Orlando: I’d rather she simply go to prison for making false statements. If her visa is revoked that means she’ll have to come home to Australia. That’s where I live. I don’t want her here either!!!
Wanda, hope you enjoy yourself.
joders
July 18, 2008 at 5:07 PM