Sess Addict

Agent Fox Mulder is in rehab treating a sess addiction.  This be NO LIE.  David DucHOvny would like the whole wide world to know that he has ”voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction.”  He also asks for “respect and privacy for [his] wife and children as [they] deal with this situation as a family.”

Ugh!   How do you deal with this situation as a family?  His kids are like, aged nine and six.  Methinks they don’t need to be dealing with this shiz.  Tea should be up for it , though.

The bytch faces at Us Weekly are serious researchers.  They tracked down a Playgirl magazine from 1997 in which DucHOvny vehemently denied being a sess addict.   Said David:  “I’m not a sex addict.  I have never been to those meetings. It’s hurtful to my family and if I was involved with a woman in a monogamous relationship, it would be hurtful to her. There was another story claiming I was a neat freak. If I had to choose one of the two, I think I’d rather be a sex addict. It’s not funny and I’ll be glad when it goes away.”

I guess he had to choose.  Poor Mulder.

 

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My Boyphriend!

I have the hots for Ben Barnes.   Just thought I’d share this with all ye peoples.  Whorelando Bloom is so gross!  I can’t believe I ever set my sights on his gnarly arse.  May he and his dingo skank be forever caught in their mortal coil.  Arsejoles!   I hate dingos. 

Ben Barnes is hot.  They should do a movie for the Narcissus myth and cast Ben Barnes as Narcissus.  It fits! 

Okay, I’ll go away now.

Shag Or Gag? Part 2

Per the request of AC, I give you Boris Johnson.  He’s the mayor of London.   He looks like the love child of Donald Trump, James Spader, and and a Hostess powdered donut.  He also embarrassed his country something fierce at the closing ceremony of the Olympics. 

Shag it or gag it. 

 

Tara Reid Is A Clothing Designer

I find that phunny because she has like the worst taste in the ephing universe…  Here’s Tara at the unveiling of her brand spankin’ new and hideous clothing line.  Giggles.

 

La Hobby Horse Speaks!

Sienners Miller would like the world to know that she is not a slutcracker.  She told “S” magazine (the ’s’ stands for ’slut’ — just kidding!) that the biggest misconception of her is that she’s a slut and that she’s   “apparently [I’ve] slept with half of Hollywood.  You say, ‘Hi, nice to meet you’: the next day in the papers you’re pregnant with his child.” 

What the hell is the hobby horse on about?  I’ve never heard preg rumors regarding her.   I have heard the other kind, though.   Sienners went on to say that the media “is a bigger animal than I ever will be. It just becomes this soap opera. And I guess I had a pretty good few episodes. . .  You feel like it’s a video sometimes. I play these games to make it more amusing, like I’m Lara Croft or something. So I find myself ducking behind cars.”

She a lie.  And she fake!  I don’t know why I’m butchering the English Language in this manner.  It fun, though.   Why is she talking about animals?  Why is she acting like this is all just a game?  It’s all fun and games until a hobby horse loses an eye… or has the word ’slut’ written on its fugly brick house. 

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Katers and Jamers!

Yay!   Our blog patroness has shown herself for the second whole time in six months!   Here’s Katers and le boyfriend, Jamers “I’m related to a philosopher” Rousseau out in L.A. trolling for blow.  Just kidding!   Katers’ scarf is tightness!   Jamers is a little bit country, which is odd, because he’s a Brit.  He’s either looking amish or country.  Both of which are the shiz.

 

Shag Or Gag?

Greetings, bytchbabies!   It’s Travis Fimmel.  Why?  Because his GD name rolls off the tongue nice.  He’s from Oztralia.  It’s the best I could do.  Sorry!  

 

Aeternvm Vale

Buffy The Vampire Slayer has apparently influenced millions (okay, this is a gross exaggeration!  It’s really like 50,000) of womenfolk in England to abandon The Church and flock to witchcraft.  Paganism.  Wicca.    Some intellectual crumpet slags did a study and pulished their findings in Women and Religion in the West,  the hottest publication evers.

Dr. Kristin Aune, the head honchHO involved with the study, says that:  ”Because of its focus on female empowerment, young women are attracted by Wicca, popularized by the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In short, women are abandoning the church.”

The cat has got The Church of England’s tongue or something, because they respectfully “declined to comment on the study.”   Don’t be surprised if paperback editions of the Malleus Malefaricum crop up at Barnes and Noble, though.

Buffy was a stellar show and all but it never inspired me to take up the pentagram.  Willow was so creepy when she was all wiccaed out.  She even had black eyeballs and irises at one point.  

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gossip girl sneak peak and two other tawdry tidbits!

we are a mere 5 days away from the season premiere of gossip girl next week!

what i have for you leading up to this salaciously sassy event are the following three things:

1. an interview with austin powers cola tramposa about how cool, down to earth and not gay he really is (he can call me baby anytime!)

2. josh schwartz (the creator) quoted talking about how he’s bitter with the way that the cw have gone about advertising the show (which i happen to think is hilarious and pure genious!) whatevs!

3. a sneak peek of the season opener next week (below).

enjoy! until next monday – xoxo!

All Menpholk Iz Bytches

 

Katers Moss speaketh!  In the new issue of Interview magazine Kate shares her views on menpholk, how she used to blow at shagging, and the anorexia rumours haunting her scrawny arse.  She also poses for some slinky and lame black and white photos a la Blondie.  I like Blondie, actually.  I don’t ever want to hear The Tide is High ever again, though.  Never ever ever.

Katers on Menpholk:  “Absolute b******s. Men are not to be trusted.”

Katers on sessual jollies:  “I’m a lot better in the sack now.”

Katers on whether or not her arse eats real-live phoodstuffs:  “I didn’t eat for a long time. Not on purpose. You’d be on shoots with bad food or get on a plane and the food would be so disgusting you wouldn’t eat it.  I never liked being that skinny. I was never anorexic, so I was never that skinny.”

Here’s Kate at George Michael’s last ever concert on Planet Urf. 

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the lost boys 3 – say wha?

i absolutely adored the lost boys when i was an overly hormonal pre-teen lover of the coreys (haim and feldman for the uninitiated!) so when my friend told me that he had just seen the lost boys 2 – the tribe, i was in shock! i didn’t have any idea that it was made (sadly, it was released direct to dvd) and that corey feldman reprised his role as edgar frog. hilarious!!!

apparently, they are working on the lost boys 3 because lost boys 2 did very well. and both coreys will be reprising their roles this go around (along with the other boy who played the other frog brother – see in pic above). for more info on the movie, click here.

below are the trailers for the initial lost boys movie and for the lost boys 2:

Zut Alors!

I forgot to cover that Lily Allen story about Lily trying to punch some French bytch in the bouche last week.  The french hobaguette was heckling Lily and Lily retaliated.  Or tried to!   Lily sucks for missing.   I would have punched this fugly woman in the head just for looking the way that she does.  Even her hair is annoying.   I hate that french ho.

In related news, Lily is feeling under the weather:

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