Retired Bactress
Retired and retodded. It is with deep regret that I inform all ye slutcrackers that the thespian named Jessica Simpson, has no plans to return to acting in the near phuture. This is good news because she’s pretty awful at acting. Thus, a bactress (a cognate of bad + actress).
Says Jessica: “I’m not closing that chapter of my life by any means. But I am all about the music right now. When it comes to acting, it’s got to feel right for me at this point in my life. It’s got to just be a really incredible director and production with an awesome studio and great cast. But for me right now Jessica Simpson is crappy music.”
I really do think she’s high. Why would a ‘really incredible’ director want work with her ditzy and untalented arse?
Here’s Jessica looking frazzled, happy, and clueless in Hollywood the other night without her mighty boyphriend, Tony Homo at her side. He is the man who has restored her self-confidence in every single way.
Didn’t her last movie go straight to video?
Hi Anners. I’m bored out of my skull. Do you know anything about Twitter?
Wanda Rizzuto
September 6, 2008 at 2:39 PM
Nope, I know nothing about Twitter, Wanda. Why so bored, tho?
Anners Scribonia Caesar
September 6, 2008 at 3:10 PM
I’m home alone with the beasts.
Wanda Rizzuto
September 6, 2008 at 3:21 PM
Did you read this one?
http://www.okmagazine.com/posts/view/8798/
I had a good laugh. She _does_ sound desperate.
jaded4good
September 6, 2008 at 3:52 PM
She’s so delusional. When will she learn that people only pay attention to her as it makes them feel intelligent by comparison.
jane121
September 6, 2008 at 5:46 PM
On noes! Oh God! She’s my favourite actress and she’s retiring? And I’ll never see her on the big screen again?
My life is over!! There’s going to be much gnashing of teeth, clutching of heart and pulling of hair as I sink into a deep depression, followed closely by wild eyed insanity. I’ll have to make sure I’ve got all her movies on DVD so I can watch them endlessly whilst in my pyjamas and eating pizza and chocolate (in the safety of my padded cell).
So, what’s she been in again? Dukes of Hazzard? Employee of the Month? Huh? Ohhhhhh! You’re talking about Jessica SIMPSON! I thought you were talking about Jessica BIEL!
joders
September 6, 2008 at 7:51 PM
oh jessica – could you just retire to hsn and sell your tacky clip-on extensions with your gay until you die so we don’t have to be subjected to anything else you do? i’m asking politely
tiffers euphonious
September 6, 2008 at 9:55 PM