Paul Banks has a solo album coming out on August 4th. He’s going by the name Julian Plenti, which is nothing less than a giant stab in the back to all of us Cola Gordians or ex-Cola Gordians. I’m either the former or the latter, depending on my moods. He should have released a record under the name Cola Gorda.
The album is called Julian Plenti Is… Skyscraper, and as far as album cover art goes, this is pretty swank East Village stuff. I enjoy the party banner lettering above his head. The colors are metallic and sensual, just like Helena Cougar Mellencamp’s eyeballs and Cola Gorda’s watch. Ha! I called him Cola Gorda again. He will always be Cola Gorda around these parts, so he can just drop this Julian Plenti business even though he’s actually been carrying the name around in his heart for roughly 10 years.
Either I’m incredibly stupid (don’t answer that!) or totally mp3 reatrded because I could only find snippets of his new songs on the web. and that Julianplenti.com site is a mind phuck! I found some youtube clips, though. Here are the ones I listened to:
On the Esplanade
Fun That We Have
It would have been really nice if each and every song sounded just like Leif Ericson or Narc or something, but something tells me that they won’t. Which is probably for the best, anyway. I think I’m ready for new songs sung by Cola Gorda.
I’m still pissed off at that “No “i” in threesome was written, sung, recorded, and performed. Bad song. Really bad song. Mammoth saved that record. Why am I still bytching about Our Love To Admire? Because I bought that shiz with real money and he probably used my money to treat the cougar to a block of Danish cheese.
P.S. Oh, and Minna has told ne that Cola Gorda and the Cougar have split the eph up! Is this true?
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Mirandingo Kerr treasured herself by getting her dingo paws cleaned, trimmed, and painted in Hollywood the other day and here are the pictures to prove it. Hollywood is a strange place, as there are myriad stores that cater to canines! The dingo is in town to arrange pap shots for itselph and its master, Whorelando Bloom, or something to that effect. They went to Malibu and reportedly looked at a house worth 13 million dollars. They are looking for an estate with a large plot so that she will be able to run free over vast acres of land and kill field mice and other fauna at her leisure.
She really could have wiped the blood off her fug face before she went into this fine establishemnt.
FYI: The dingo is also doing porn on the side to cover the bills.
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I can’t post any pics! Will try again laterz.
A whole ephing lot! Scarf Monster ain’t wearing no scarf and he also did something new and more repulsive than usual to his hairs.
I don’t like him.
Either does Katers, though, so it’s all good! She got mad at him in Ibiza and threw his man-purse into the water. He was all mad because inside of that man-purse contained his cell phone, personal diary and a laptop that had six brand-new crummy Kills songs on it. That shiz must have killed his spirit. A source who had the good-fortune to witness all of this had this to say:
“Jamie was speechless. He waded into the water to take the bag out, and tried to save the laptop – removing the hard drive and putting it into an airing cupboard.
Alas, Scarfmonster’s attempts to save the life of his laptop failed. His relationship with Katers, however, is still alive despite the fact that he’s an awful human being.
Boo.
Sorcery
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