Whorelando Bloom Was Robbed
Jowls and Scowls.
… and no, it wasn’t me.
People whose job it is to fight crime aka the police, are reporting that “$500,000 in jewelry, cash and artwork” was stolen from Whorelando Bloom’s special black house in the Hollywood Hills on Wednesday.
Phuckery squared, yo!
Even though my heart no longer does happy dances at the mere mention of Whorelando’s name, this is still crappy business. At least he can always milk his Victoria’s Secret cow for more spending money, though! For most of the people in this world, in this economy, a robbery of this magnitude would lead them to the world of trick-turning for rent money and so on. In this regard, he’s lucky, and this isn’t even news.
The whores at TMZ said that someone entered Whorely’s house through a window. That automatically saves the dingo from suspicion of high crimes. However, ff they had said that someone entered the house through the doggie door, she’d be my number one suspect.
Even though the dingowhore aka Miranda Kerr supposedly lives with the dude, the break-in was discovered by a relative of his.
Interesting.
Yes, the dingo was at the ESPY awards, peddling her slithery, stupid and awkward ass whilst the home she shares with her lover her lover’s home was being violated by very bad people who “were clearly familiar with the secluded home.”
As for that phantom engagement ring, let’s pretend that was part of the purloined booty. That’ll make it neat and tidy when the Lord of the Engagement Ring is asked why she’s not wearing it. Instead of admitting that “it duzznt eggzist”, she can just say that “it wuz stowlin.”
P.S. Cough *Kate Bosworth was in town on that night* Cough.
P.P.S. Just kidding, Kate Bosworth! You know that I love you and stuff. 
Anners, are you suggesting that the dingHo does NOT live with her luvvah? I’m shocked! Next you’ll be saying he doesn’t live with her when they’re in New York, he simply turns up outside her apartment complex after spending the night in a nice hotel, just to have his picture taken by the the ruthless paparazzi who hang out 24 hours a day hoping for a glimpse of the fameHous and stunning VS soupermoddil.
Joders what madness are you talking about and I thought Anners was the one with all the crazy ideas.
LOL at her choosing (and thus totally destroying) a Calvin Klein dress for the award show… Bozzers probably shot the ad for it… yes, she wants to be Kate sooo badly … EPIC FAIL. Again.
I though the same brazilliant thing, Jaded. I’ll get right on that.
I actually am putting Dingho on my suspects list. Since it wasn’t a typical burglary it could be an inside job.
AHAH her double chin is funny
Konst, I heart you.
It looks like an ass is hanging from the bottom of her face.
Yeah, the dingho is even trying to lighten her hair these days. anners, please continue to call out this bytch, she’s not fooling anyone! Damn Kate Wannabe!
“peddling her slithery, stupid and awkward ass”
what a GREAT phrase….
and the dingho SO wants to be KB – maybe she thinks we’ll all like her if she becomes enough of a look a like and move towards shipping her and whorelando!
One day I hope that Kerr learns that she can’t keep stealing other peoples words and looks to make herself appear better than she is. It’t just not going to work. I guess being herself really is nasty.
Poor Whorely, the break in sucks. He’s lost some of his most precious posessions.
Hope the robbers didn’t get their hands on OB and MK’s matching pajama sets. Or their beloved Karaoke collection of Fever, or that fug-ugly lace purse, or OB’s toe slippers, or her new Flexaway double chin exerciser, or, (horrors!) Orli’s suspender pants. Nooooo. Not the pants.
Home robbery sucks.
Kerr give it up! You aint gonna be a supahmudil! I know your motto is try and try until you succeed, but biyatch, haven’t you already figured out…. no one(except for some shippers)wants you!
No designers want you
No cosmetics companies want you
No fashion magazines want you
And Anna Wintour certainly doesn’t like you
Give it up CPK
*cough* stolen sess tape *cough*
How many chins does she have? Ick-Nast!
more than the average supahmodill, Callie.
Lord of the Engagement Ring…. HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!
well that would suck – most of it would have been insured tho right?
Except for the sex tape, Janers.
Would love love love it if a tape really did exist and it was as poorly made as the rest of their showmance. Please, whorlanduh bring on the laughs.
yes then everyone would know her for the celebrity wannabe that she is!
i hope miranda had a lot of irreplaceable things missing