What Really Happened
Whorelando Bloom and Pet dingHo arrived at LAX a few days ago. When they spotted paparazzi people, they split the phuck up. Orlandwhore mumbled something about “not wanting people waiting at his house” (presummably with cameras and shit) as an explanation for the temporary split.
He and his pet dingHo were apart for 28 WHOLE minutes.
The slagbrains at a certain messboard have spilled many tears over this fact. “How sad that the evil paparazzi people forced this resplendant couple to separate for 28 whole minutes!”
In the spirit of being even more dramatic, let’s say that the dingHo was without its master and the whore was without its pet for 1,680 seconds.
I just went through an entire box of kleenex.
Whorelando lied.
He and Pet DingHo did not split up to throw paparazzi people off their trail. They love the paparazzi! They wouldn’t even exist without the paparazzi. Think about it: If it wasn’t for the paparazzi for the past 2 or so years, would any of us even know that WhOrelando Bloom was even alive? Me thinks not. Besides, if Whorelando Bloom was really worried about his privacy, he wouldn’t be jamming his oui oui into the most fame-hungry Victoria’s Secret model.
So the real reason, then, why he and Pet DingHo split up:
Things were fine until she opened her carnivorous mandibles.
DingHo: Hey, Orlandow. What are we gunna doo in El-Lay this weakind? Can we go watch An Edjucayshin?
Orlando (icy): What the hell did you just say?
DingHo: Can we go watch An Edjucayshun? Yoo no, that moovee you drawped out of for no good reazun? It’s out this weakind and it got good revyoos.
Orlando: Phuck You.
DingHo: What?!
Whorelando: I said ‘Phuck You”! Bytch.
And then he walked off.
The dingHo ran upstairs and cried for seven minutes. Then she got to know some of the security dogs for 21 minutes; they are of the same genus.
Then she went outside and Whorelando, having gotten over his hurt, picked her up.
Mystery solved.
Love it! An Education dropped for the Ducati debacle and over 2 years of famewhoring!
LOL. But damn those on that message board who bitched about them having to split up are so stupid. There is an article on there that somewhat explains what happen with the movie ‘An Education’.
Let me guess – Whorely finally picked her up outside the ho-baggage claim area. I’m sure those 28 minutes without his pest (erm, sorry, PET) were the best moments of his day.
Everyone on O-Love is all excited that our boy Whorley has what looks to be a script in the pocket of his suitcase. But I think he:
A) carries around the last movie script he did where ever he goes so people think he’s up for a role; or
B) he staples a bunch of green paper together so it LOOKS like a movie script so people think he’s up for a role.
Either way, he’s advertising that his career is going somewhere even though I’ve personally seen no evidence of it. How sad.
I like option B, he certainly made the script himself, sad indeed.
How do you know? He does have a movie that is about to start production.
do you know Poororlando – i’ve come to the same conclusion – i bet closer inspection would reveal that to be POTC II script….
it is rather a direct reaction to all the calls about him continuing not to work…..
still at least whilst he is famhoring with the dingho he claim to have an acting job of some sorts….
lolol – the dingo is harsh.
I wonder why the paps still follow them around so much – Bozzers fell off the radar when her career did, why not these 2?
Thank you Anners. As always, spot on!
Slapparr, I was thinking the same thing!
Actually the dingho spotted Lukas Haas and his much cuter blonde girlfriend and mumbled into her paw, “Aaaawkward!
I’m sure the dingho just had to groom herself after being in her crate for the whole flight. She couldn’t let the paps see her looking all rumpled, could she?
Earth to Dingho and Whorely. Everyone knows you’re pap whores, give it up already.
OMG – how did I not think of that…. “in her crate for the whole flight.”
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha….
The only people who think they are pap whores are those who follow them, non shippers. The general public hardly notices.
I agree about the Dingho LOL.
they need to get over themselves