Greetings, Cola Gordians!

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I’m too ephing lazy to shrink this phucking picture!   It’s way huge, and I apologize.  It’s Daniel Kessler from Interpol!  Damn, he’s pious.   I think he may be having a word with the higher power.  Or maybe he’s just signing an autograph  (Do the Amish use pens? hahaha).

Geez, I haven’t perved on Banksy in ages!   Sorry.   Like I said, I’ve been busy.  Actually I have a minor confession to make… believe it or not but there were a couple days when I woke up and Banksy was not the first thought in my head.  Calm down, I’m just kidding.  The first thought is always:  “God!   Why did you create me?  Do you enjoy watching a stupid bytch suffer?”   After this, I segue straight into Banksy.

My original point is that there were actually a few days that I fell out of love with Cola Gorda.   No Interpol! Didn’t even go to the messboards!   Isn’t that sad?  Or maybe it’s just healthy.  Whatevers, I’m all fired up about Banksy and his AYB again.   I think it was the pictures on the Cola Gorda page that did it and that hot shit pic of him at the pool table!  Didn’t find any stellar pictures on the messboards, though.   This is why Kessler sits here before you…

I guess he’s kinda cute.  He’s no Banksy, though.  Banksy has the sinister vibe that I dig so much in menfolk.

Anyway, we already made fun of Banksy (Cola Gordisms, etc) and Comarose suggested we go ahead and make up some Cola Gordisms for Kessler.   Here go mine (sorry they’re so lame, I don’t know enough about him to poke fun and it’s already been said that he churns butter….)

* He ballet dances within the safe confines of his home.

* He eats Flaming Hot Cheetos.

* He watches Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

* He thinks knows  HOlena Christensen is fugly. <—– hahahhaha.

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^ I don’t like this picture.

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51 thoughts on “Greetings, Cola Gordians!

  1. Cait

    Well, it finally happened. One too many Interpol posts went directly over my head, and had to go google them. BA (Before Anners), I had no idea who these people were, let alone what in the world a ‘Banksy’ was. Now, after giving their music a chance… I’m afraid I’m becoming a fan. :O

    Like

  2. Cait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ^ hahahaha.

    You have warmed my heart no end! I think you are the first convert evers! I’m so happy right now I’m gonna go put on Interpol CD and smoke a fake cigarette!

    * Don’t be afraid! Embrace the Banks… ;)

    Like

  3. Anners, do you know who did the vocals on “5” aka “Get the girls”? A friend said it was Paul and someone else told me Daniel.
    Does anyone out there know for realz? It drives me crazy to hear that song and not know (am listening to it right now, sounds like Paulie to me).

    Like

  4. Jodie

    If his nose were bigger, I think that Daniel would somewhat resemble Noah Wyle (ex ER).
    And Banksy looks like he’s having impure thoughts (perhaps about you Anners?).

    Like

  5. josie

    It’s Daniel doing vocals in “5” (could you really picture Paul singing the whoos and cha cha chaas in that song?) As for the Cola Gordism, perhaps he engages in silent prayer while signing autographs? That’s all, good night.

    Like

  6. Ugg

    hahahahhahaha. i love the picture of banks. the rest on imb from that concert are pretty damn sexy too. I LOVE the weird come and fuck me hard-look he has. HAAHAHHA. whaaaaaat? and yay, cait:D
    and 5!!!!! that song is crazy!!!!! i laughed my ass off the first time i heard it. and i got really disappointed when i heard daniel was the one screaming like frank black. i love that song!!! woooooohoooooo..<- so funny.

    Like

  7. ^ Daniel’s Roman nose is sexy. I really do think so… Joders, someone mentioned that before… I don’t want to see it…

    * Ugg: Hahahahaha.

    * Thanks Josie, for helping Clevers out.

    ^ Happy New Year ladies.

    Like

  8. sara

    It’s my boyphriend!

    Wanna’ hear something sorta’ funny Anners? I have a little crush on a guy in a band I saw on Friday night…and he looks more Amish than Kessler has ever looked! ahahaaa! I think I need to just go ahead & move to the Amish country/place in Pennsylvania and shag an Amish guy already, I swear. If you’re curious about my dude, google Sam Quinn from the everybodyfields. He’s as cute as a button! :)

    Anyway…

    Daniel listens to Mariah Carey while milling around the house w/ his first cup of coffee each day.

    Daniel wears those things that old men wear to keep their socks up on their calves.

    Like

  9. D. Solrac

    Cola Gordians! Classic!

    *Ugg -“come and fuck me hard look” that’s perfect – I’ve been trying to put a name to it, and you got it!!!

    *Sara – Pennsylvania Amish country is very beautiful – but I fear that ye could not have an I-pod there.

    Here’s one for Daniel:

    He hides in the closet and eats cheeseburgers.

    Like

  10. stella

    HEY LADIES!!!
    i have been away too long..
    i love the snowing effect ya got going on!
    oh and if interpol plays in boise again, thats where I am gonna see em. i heard only 500 ppl showed up to their last gig. now that’s what i’m talking about…

    Like

  11. stella

    *he haas no idea how to use chopsticks but refuses to ask for a fork at asian restaurants.

    *he is one of the possible daddies to jamie lynn’s spawn but doesnt want you to know it.

    *he only eats his french fries with ranch dressing

    Like

  12. sara

    *me: hahaaa…the beard! :)

    *D. Solrac: Ha! You’re right. Shagging an Amish dude wouldn’t be worth giving up the i-pod…or buttons.

    *Stella: Can’t you just see Kessler asking for a side of ranch?! ahahaaa…
    I’m glad you’re back-I was beginning to wonder what happened to you!

    Like

  13. Morgan

    He talks in his sleep which consists mostly of repeating lengthy answers to questions asked by journalists the prior day.

    He is jealous that Paul is such a babe magnet.

    Like

  14. Anners

    Sara: I phound him!

    Did you find him on a “music related” search?

    hahahahahahhahaaha

    I like you!

    okay, I chose the worst pic. He’s kinda sorta okay…. ;) And kudos for the old man sock thingy!

    * Stella’s baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

    * You guys r funny. Ha….. hides in the closet and eats cheeseburgers… chopsticks!

    * Thanks for the photo of the booty, Louise.

    * You guys iz awesome. Happy New Year!

    *

    Like

  15. comarose

    Could be the time of year but it’s been three days since my last Kesslession, also have been Interpol-less. I consoled myself through buying crap on eBay.

    Here’s a couple of home truths, funny on a sugar high only

    * He wears no underpants onstage
    * He only shags other vegetarians as they smell like eau de lentil
    * He was bullied in elementary for being a Brit at a French school. they called him ‘D.A.K face’.
    * He’s obsessive compulsive with a domineering mother, hence is up at 6 am at the drycleaners and takes all his vitaminz.
    * He likes watching foreign films because it’s not p*rn if it’s cultured.

    Happy New Year, and thanks for the laughs :D

    Like

  16. HAHAHA… Kessler is so easy to make fun of, good laughs watching all the Cola Gordisms of you mole patrolers!!! Have a nice year and Anners, please more posts about Banksy!! He feels sad if he doesnt see his name here every now and then! :-P

    Cola Gordism about kessly:

    * He has a dance choreographer and has an specific choreography for each song of Interpol. He goes to practice with this guy twice a week and if somebody asks he says he´s taking piano lessons!

    * He has read each and every piece of slash about the band written in Public Pervert, but he´s upset because is mainly about Paul and Carlos. He has put some dirty moves on his choreographies to show he can be as dirty as the others, but this hasnt worked

    * He always wanted to be part of N-Sync but gave up his dream when he realized that he would never wear elegant suites.

    *He wanted to be Willy Wonka.

    Like

  17. Anners

    ^ Hi comarose! Happy New Year and thanks for the cg’s… I watch Foreign films for the same reason…

    * Hi Zu! I am so afraid to read slash… ooh! He does look like he could have been in N’sync!

    Like

  18. ^^ haha, I know!!! But with elegance.. those guys were not elegant at all. And I´m not sure you should read slash. Some are actually very well written but it kinda gives you a little bit of horror and then you can´t stop and your mind start working with dirty thoughts… uhh! haha.. but if you ever dare to do it, tell me and I will recommend you some of the best I have read. Is like some foreigner movies, it would be porn but as it´s foreigner, it´s just “art”! ;-)

    Like

  19. Ugg

    slash!! i haven’t read any interpol-slash. or anybody else for that matter. zu, where’s the good slash?(eh ew) i would really like to read it:):) :S

    Like

  20. sara

    ahahaa…*Anna, yes, I found him on a ‘music related search’! WTF? I kid! I googled his arse…just so I could look at pictures of him. :) You definitely chose a bad photo-he’s way cuter than that. It was sweet of you to humor me, though. :)

    Like

  21. Cait

    Good thing I came back to troll the comments, I would’ve missed your asking me which songs I’m digging, Anners! Silly me. I ran off before I got the chance to see it!

    Currently the song Pioneer to the Falls is on repeat on iTunes, but the opening to Say Hello To The Angels is amazing. I love the beat.

    Like

  22. Anners

    * Sara, you need to get yourself to Intercourse, Pennsylvania…

    * Hi Caiters! I luv luv luv Pioneer to the Falls… I’m so glad you like that one! And Say Hello the Angels is an awesome song. Morgan just did a few ‘music related’ posts on Interpol in her blog if you’re interested…

    welliwonder.wordpress.com

    Like

  23. Ugg

    hahahahhaa. i’m reading slash now… it’s really… DETAILED.. i think i need a break. a cigarette break.
    i’m kind of not into the sex parts, but the dialogue cracks me up! i have to copy and show YOU SOME HILARIOUS STUFF:
    “Please, Paul. Just an hour and then you can go. I won’t make a scene, I promise.”

    He knew how to get Paul hard and that was the problem. (HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

    “It’s not a game,” Carlos whispers back, his lips against Paul’s hair. “I guess I felt something too.”

Paul smiles and slips into a heavy sleep, warm and safe in Carlos’ arms (aaw)

    “Carlos! I can’t move.” Paul struggles slightly below Carlos’s body. Carlos chuckles.
    “That’s the point. Hmmm, I love to feel you squirm, Mr Banks.” (hehehhe LOL)

    Like

  24. D. Solrac

    *Ugg – oh no! It’s so unrealistic – Carlos could never hold Banksy down long enough to make him squirm.
    C’mon! :)

    Like

  25. Ugg

    “can i see you tonight?”
    “not no, carlos”
    “but paul…we need to talk..please”
    “yeah sure..ok.. whatever… ”
    “ok, love ya c u later baby”

    Like

  26. Ugg


    “cheer up.. what’s your problem?”
    “i’m not talking to you”
    “you are such a brat, ha ha”
    “how can you say that??????????? fuck you, heartbreaker”
    “oh , get over it dramaqueen”
    “but we’re still on tonight, yes?”
    “yeah.. totally babe.. just don’t tell anyone.. you know.. coug.. i mean helena can’t find out”
    “oh.. her. well as long as i’m number 1 , i’m happy. tihi. oops, gotta finish this concert maybe, SILLY ME. kiss kiss”

    (i need to get a life, seriously. hahhhaHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAH)

    Like

  27. Haha, Ugg, I guess you confused the slash with captions ;-)

    The only thing is slash is meant to be some sort of alternative world inspired by the real one and not really something funny :-p
    I suppose you have to actually get into the story to actually believe it but anyway. I like some of them, even though is yes, too DETAILED.. ;-)

    Like

  28. Ugg

    HAHA, i don’t think i want to get into the story. they kind of scare me. i thought they were hilarious!
    and i didn’t confuse, i just mixed them. slash-captions :D

    Like

  29. Anners

    Zu! Look what u started….

    “fuck you, heartbreaker?”!!!! <— Best line evers~!

    Sorry ladies, more cola gorda on Monday… bad week for Anners…

    Like

  30. Jossie

    Daniel owns the Jane Fonda aerobics tape and take note for moves on the stage.

    Admires Paul.

    Always asks Paul if He can sing, obviously after song seven and pda, Paul refuses to let him.

    When they were listening to the antics remix,he asked all the guys to dance along with him,they refused and looked the other way.

    Like

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