Bozzers, U Slag!

This is like some sick, sad nightmare.   Bozzers, I hope you’re gearing up to bite her phace off.  That woman is banging Cola Gorda.  What kind of blog patroness are u to let this happen to us?  WTF?  HOlena Christensen needs to hang out with gerries her own age.   She’s basically the equivalent of Matthew McConaughey’s character in Dazed and Confused.

Just kidding.   I really harbor no ill will toward HOlena.  She just needs to get lost FOREVER.

By the way, these pics have something to do with a “special screening” for Bozzers’ new movie, 21.  I think that means only re-re’s were admitted.

That explains why HOlena showed up.


Ephing Boo!

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“The cougar holds the world record for the animal with the most number of names due to its wide distribution across North and South America. While it is a large predator, it is not always the dominant species in its range . . . It is a reclusive cat and usually avoids people. Attacks on humans remain rare, despite a recent increase in frequency.”  <— Hahahahha!   Okay, I’ll stop pasting Cougar quotes from wikipedia.


Stella and Morganers alerted me to the following filth:

Helena Christensen Steps Out with Interpol Rocker

Helena Christensen Steps Out with Interpol Rocker | Helena Christensen

It’s official: Helena Christensen isn’t dating Josh Hartnett – she’s been getting cozy with Interpol lead singer Paul Banks.

The two were seen kissing and holding hands Wednesday night at the launch of Tocca Vintage at Butik, her store in New York’s West Village.

A source close to Christensen told PEOPLE, “They’ve been together for a little while now. [Banks is] very sweet and nice and bright – not a party person.”

Though she was tight-lipped about her mysterious date, it didn’t stop her from sneaking kisses with him the entire evening. She told PEOPLE, “I don’t talk about my private life, I’ve learned from all the other very smart artists out there.”

Meanwhile, she’s been easy to spot near the stage at recent Interpol shows, and Christensen recently revealed in a statement through a representative: “I have dated someone quietly for half a year now.”
–Susan Yara and Jeffrey Slonim


86 thoughts on “Bozzers, U Slag!

  1. me

    Oh, Paul.
    He looks like he’s taking his grandma out for a walk in the last pic. I’m just kidding; they both look old in there.


  2. Kick

    ^She did refer to herself as a smart artist! That was my favorite part of the article. Re: the people pic, she’s sucking the hot right out of him.


  3. allisonwonders

    I don’t know how to feel about this whole thing anymore. I’m a year OLDER than HOlena (but a lot CUTER, HA!), and I wouldn’t dare make a practice of hitting on guys 10 years younger.

    HOWEVER, it doesn’t seem fair that HOlena gets all the action. I want my PIECE! I think I deserve a little Kessy action if HOlena gets Banksy action. So what if she’s rich as HO-ell? I make a good living.

    Kessy- if you’re googling – I’m only 5’4″, still hot, and I can keep you in guitars and little black suits for the rest of your life…how ’bout it, babe?


  4. Kick

    They’ve updated the People article to make it more fantastic.,,20186614,00.html

    “[Banks is] very sweet and nice and bright – not a party person.” At first I read that sentence that Banks wasn’t very bright. Also this source doesn’t know about his past if they say he’s not a party person. Love it. Cola in People.


  5. Helena has the most beautiful head of hair I have ever seen in my life!

    Is Cola squinting his eyes in that 3rd pic b/c of all the flashes, or is he just sleepy? He looks like little boy lost.


  6. At least she’s not kissing up to that dingo.

    You want I should go down to the West Village and toss a brick through the Butik window? Seriously, it’s Friday, I can leave work early.


  7. Have to agree with Morgan, Helena has got a beautiful head of hair. Her outfit sucks balls tho’. It looks like she’s wearing Banksy’s jacket over a retro fake satin pillow case.
    Butik is a weird shop. From what I can tell, it stocks Helena’s boring fashion line, lots of girlish, whimsical foolywang and rusty watering cans. WTF?


  8. sara

    Holy catty hell, people! hahahaaa…

    By the way, I’m going to interview Anners. Does anyone have a question you’d like me to ask?


  9. Ugg

    kate is in love with christenfuck
    or very high!!!!!!!! i refuse to believe cougar said anything funny. oh and btw SOMEONE said to me(they want to be anonymous) THAT helena was prego!!! they didnt know it but IN THE PIC YOU HAVE POSTED, this ANONYMOUS PERSON was 100% sure she was kncoked up. something about her belly and her boobs. GAH SO DEPRESSING. MINGUS IS ENOUGH. she was lucky once to give birth to a angel looking child , she might not get lucky this time. oh i wonder if their kid gets moles. or not. i hope it gets her eyes. YEAH YEAH WHATEVER. im pissed.


  10. D. Solracky

    Foolywang – a new word!

    Yeah- that store of hers seems a little self indulgent, but why not? Rich, popular, beautiful….she does what she wants. That picture of them together was kinda a shocker….even though they’ve been together forever…it kinda hit me in the gut!


  11. Ugg

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA TOSS A BRICK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I DIDNT SEE THAT LLOOOL THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNY. do it wanda. with a threatening note that says keep away from our little molesy


  12. I think you might be onto something Ugg. Helena’s maraca’s look phucking huge. However, considering her cheese fetish, it could just be pre menstrual dairy bloat. Helena does birth gorgeous children tho’. Mingus is a divine looking boy. Not as cute as my son, but handsome nonetheless!
    D. Solracky- I was just being catty because I’ve spent most of my adult life dropping untold cash on exactly the type of whimsy that Butik sells!


  13. allisonwonders

    Ugg- are you serious about the preggo thing? NOT FAIR!

    If HOlena gets an Interpol baby than I want one too!!!

    I’m just being catty today because I’m 40 and I only get hit on by fat, bald, 50-year-old HDG’s (horny divorced guys).


  14. Kick

    ^^^her clock is ticking people! Cola is probably as good as it gets in the much younger crowd. He’s literate and no longer on drugs. I think she looked really good at the movie thing. Although it seems she would attend the opening of an envelope.


  15. Ugg

    hahahahhhahah ^^^
    opening of an envelope!!!!!i want to go to that opening. sounds really cute.
    and hahhahha i want a interpol baby tooooo. do you want pauls or someone elses? a interpol baby would be great i agree. a cute little arrogant baby with moles<3
    i don’t think she is prego!! the ANONYMOUS person thinks so. hahahhaa. i hope its just the cheese:D


  16. stella

    what i would give to be helena christensen RIGHT NOW!
    she still has an amazing body, she actually looks slightly refreshed. and she is FUCKING PAUL BANKS!
    nuff said!


  17. stella

    p.s. i agree with Kick that she is sucking the HOT right out of him. he looks old with her and they really need to stop smoking ciggies. ciggies make u look old real fast


  18. Anners: that photo was taken the “i fucking mean it” day right? oh god she looks old… maybe i need to see her in person to stop thinking she is not that 80’s model with great eyes… whatever…

    allisonwonders: this is a little secret… but kissing boys 10 years younger than one is a religious experience that every woman need to live… WORD!

    Kick: That “not a party person” phrase made me laugh a lot hahaha Maybe if you haven’t heard about paul in your life you would bite that bone but no… definitely i’m not… i saw him drinking two beers at the same time and speaking fluent spanish so… c’mon Paul! don’t be down in the mouth! nodobody change in 2 years! no way!


  19. Ugg

    no not “i fucking mean it” day , she was wearing green pants. and mingus was not there?
    unless she changed clothes and went out again. it might be the same day. hahaha. :D
    hahaha drinking two beers at the same time. hot<3


  20. allisonwonders

    Ugg- ok, now I’m laughing- HOlena has “pre-menstural dairy bloat”…she probably was pharting all night long…ha! ha! ha!

    Master T- ooooh, sounds like you have experience with younger men. I have experience with older men, and kissing them is….BORING!


    hulk christenfuck looks terrible with that weird smile, like the creppy smile of mary kate olsen.

    i think she’s making him look old. like an old lesbo


  22. chilena anonima

    i hate whorelena christenfuck
    i hate whorelena christenfuck
    i hate whorelena christenfuck
    i hate whorelena christenfuck


  23. UGG YOU ARE DEPRESSING ME BIG TIME!!! but I like you anyway ;-)

    is not only she called herself “very smart artist”, she called HIM “very smart artist” as is obvious she was talking about him.. idiot.. :-/

    And I soo want Bozzers to steal Paul´s woman! hahaha.. but still, traitor! ;-)

    I love how that girl from People added and added and added and added to the article. I guess we are making some noise here, haha..


  24. allisonwonders: naaa just once but it was ufffffffffffff really good… i haven’t date with older men because i also think they are boring…you should try younger! ;)


  25. D. Solracky

    Ugg! That’s definitely dairy bloat – and throw in a couple of doughnuts maybe. Fried foods make your boobs bigger, your belly larger, and they also make you face glow like you have been touched by an angel. There is just no freaking way that she could be preggers! That just couldn’t happen! :)


  26. I’m totally thinking about going down there under the cover of darkness and leaving an obnoxious sign on the window. I don’t know why, I don’t even know who this Paul Banks guy is.


  27. Jossie

    My 3yo cousin asked me if Ho was Polpol’s granny, I laughed so hard,and said she and bozzers were ugly,and well kids dont lie.

    This H thins is getting really annoying ¬¬


  28. tamuchi

    Put the Urge alt rock channel on the cable to surf the nets by and they’re playing Pace Is the Trick – RIGHT NOW! Hahaha, influenced by Joy Division and Afghan Whigs. Luv me some Greg Dulli. Similiar to Arcade Fire?!?! C’mon Urge guys, you can do better than that.

    Brick, please, Wanda. I’ll lurve you forever. (Hey, they’re playing The Heinrich Maneuver, too!!!)

    Prego rumor makes me sick to my stomach. Don’t know how much more my inner fangirl can take…


  29. hmm i dont thinkg she’s preggo. i bet she cant even have babies! anorexic people get old sooner than the rest of us. i’m not saying she’s anna now but i bet she was in the past so maybe she’s already menopausic or something.


  30. D. Solrac

    My very thin friends are the ones that get pregnant the easiest! And, you don’t really go into menopause until you hit 50. It is harder to get pregnant after 35 and even harder after 40 – rare after 45. But, most people I know have no problems at all.


  31. Kick

    D. Solrac–Your friends are lucky. I have had normal, sane friends almost go crazy b/c they couldn’t get pregnant (way under 40!). It takes awhile sometimes.

    Plus, I think Cola is allowed (hah!) to have babies when he wants them.


  32. oh well, let’s just think she just cant have babies cause people with hulk faces cant. except because she already have one..well then. C’MON THERES NO FUCKIN WAY SHE’S PREG.
    i just dont buy it.


  33. Kick

    I don’t think she’s pregnant either. But think about how much publicity she would get? Honestly, any random sort of/kind of celebrity can get so much attention if they get knocked up. It’s a bit strange.


  34. D. Solrac

    Yeah- she’s probably just very happy and love – so she can eat as many hamburgers and fries as she wants. A little weight gain is fine for her. It actually makes her look younger in the face.’

    I agree – most of my friends are very lucky in the baby department. Not all, but especially the ones that are a size 2 and under-for some reas


  35. Kellers

    Oh well, Banksy’s gone. She’s got him under her thumb for realz. Remember he didn’t break up with Abbey for 9 years or whatever, she broke up with him. Ho-Ho can do whatever she wants at this point.

    Does she ever talk to the press about her “work” or is it always just about her personal life? And look at her next to pale Bozzers with her oompa-loompa tan!


  36. Ugg

    ANNERS !!!! SO DRAMATIC!!!!!!!!!!
    nooooooooooooo, he will still sing awesome songs with his supersexy voice and be cute in interviews and shake his cola gorda and be hot<3<3


  37. Michelle

    i must admit that i cant help but be curious as to what ended their 9 year relationship..i mean thats a hell of a long time..


  38. Yup, he was that much of a ho. Just the normal, stereotypical rock star bullshit. Helena has got him house trained now, though.
    I would not be remotely surprised if they were married or expecting a child by the end of the year.


  39. Hi Kick! That is so true, Abbey must be laughing her ass off. Don’t get me wrong, I actually quite like Helena, she’s smart, gorgeous and seems to be pretty cool. But I think it is sad when a good band find their music eclipsed by whom the lead singer is dating.
    I really don’t think that having Paul described as Helena’s “toy boy lover” in the gossip columns could be anything less than detrimental to a band who take their art as seriously as Interpol.
    For Interpol to become known as the band that Helena Christensen’s boyf plays in, would be so phucking wrong. But I see it heading that way, unfortunately.


  40. Michelle

    i kind of miss the days when i knew nothing about the interpol members..however i still had a crush on paul then though because of his voice/lyrics..i miss the mystery but now i am all sucked into this paul gossip haha


  41. Michelle

    and i want to add that i find it strange that gossip magazines are so interested in who helena is dating anyway..


  42. allisonwonders

    Michelle & Konst- So True! “I don’t talk about my personal life… except i think it’s important for everyone to know that my child, whose father is also a model, is a chess genius. Oh, and by the way, did you know I was the last person to speak to Heath? We were very very close friends…Just like me and Josh Harnett…Very close. But that’s all I will say.. Did I mention my son is a chess genius?”




  44. Michelle

    case in point: “I have dated someone quietly for half a year now.”

    not so quiet when you blab to the press, is it now!


  45. @allisonwonders – Your comment was spot on.
    The Heath Ledger thing was beyond tasteless; if Naomi Watts and Michelle Williams could maintain a dignified silence, then why couldn’t Helena?
    She really needs to examine her relationship with the press. Homegirl might try to present herself as a bohemian who wants a quiet life, but her press releases tell a totally different story.


  46. hahah, actually she plays her game well. Best way to insure the press is gonna dig in your love life and write an article about it is to say “I dont want to talk about my personal life” and then go and kiss the boy toy you are dating, but “in secret”.

    And look, it actually works!!! That woman is a cougargenious, hahahahah….


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