You Have Killed Me

It’s all your fault, Orlando Bloom!  And your momma’s fault!   Everything would be fine in my world had you simply never been born.


P.S.  “You Have Killed Me” Is an awesome song by Morrissey.

^ This man broke my heart.


45 thoughts on “You Have Killed Me

  1. Jaded

    I have been reading you for a while but never posted. Just wanna say that you have no idea how much I understand that feeling you have. *sigh* I am not very happy to admit it, but I am going through the same. Here, hold my hand, let’s make this a group therapy. We’re in this together.


  2. Why the crap has Jaded never visited my farking blog? (I always have to steal your essence, don’t I?)

    Anners, Anners, Anners. Relax. Listen to Wanda. Just go to all the messboards and read the posts about how it’s all a fraud to boost her career and it’ll be over soon. Tell yourself they’re right. Do it. It’ll make you feel better.

    Since we’re sharing, I’ll confess that I went to VS on my lunch break to see if the dingo was going to do any appearances. She isn’t, but her farking ugly ass pic was everywhere. Tomorrow I’m going in with a can of spray paint and tagging the shit out of that store.

    (Mr. Rizzuto says I should go Santaria and bring chicken blood, but what the fark does he know because he keeps referring to her as “that hot chick.”)


  3. d.solrac

    Anners! I feel badly for you – this sounds like some serious shit! I’ll pray that the dingo dumps him.
    Or, maybe we could set up some kind of extreme fighting match type thing between the Dingo and the Cougar and let them fight to the death. I think you know who would win- would that make you happy?


  4. allisonwonders

    I’m not in love with Whorelando, but I hate her anyway! I’m sick of seeing her on tv and in the 50 million catalogs in the mail every week. And, where in the supermodel handbook does it say your eyes are allowed to be so far apart? Dingbytch.


  5. Anners Scribonia

    * Wanda: Princeton totes has a Grad Program in History. Not in Law, though.

    And plz tag the shit out of that store. Or walk in and say: “This place reeks of cabbage.”

    * Jaded: Thank you for understanding, babydoll.

    * Konst: a condensed version — I’m flipping out because I’m stupid.

    * Thank you, D. Solrac. I’m actually embarrassed but I really am depressed over this. And also I’m just being dramatic.

    * Thank u, Allisonwonders. Why are they shoving this fugly slag down our throats? And DEAR GOD!!! What is that awesome avatar ofyours? Is that actual butter churn?!


  6. Anners Scribonia

    * Yes it does, SadieJo. But it’s not yet over. I STILL LOVE HIM.

    Hahahahahaaa. I’m nuts!

    * Goodnight. You’re all lovely people.


  7. Vy

    It’s okay, Anners! I feel your pain and am here to support you.

    Apparently Orlando and the Dingo were at the Whole Foods in Hollywood yesterday and I was just a few blocks away from them. I’m frustrated with the missed cabbage-calling opportunity. Someday, my friend, someday…

    Vengeance will be had for making you feel this way!


  8. tiffers euphonious

    hey anners – i won’t be able to go bitch slap the dinggage tomorrow (i’m putting time in behind the orange curtain) but i will totally be sending evil and mean vibes her way! ;) and whorli will come back around to your favor again soon missy!


  9. Janers

    I say this because I love you – perhaps u should consider a psychiatric evaluation?

    Boz isn’t so threatening – she has the body of a child rather than supermodel. that’s one of the reasons I used to think Orlando was gay, the other is that video u mentioned.


  10. joders

    Wait just a second there, Janers. Back it up a little. You USED to think that Orlando was gay?

    If it’s any consolation Anners, none of the press photos from their Australian junket made them look like a lovey dovey couple. Not even the ones where he had his arm around her. For the most part it just looked like he was thinking “I cannot wait until this over. When the hell does this contract end? How much longer do I have to make it look like I’m interested in this twit?”

    And you know that Wanda, Cait and I are here for you during this particularly difficult time.


  11. * Tiffers, you and Vy have failed me. :(

    * Vy, do you live in Hollywood? Can’t you just take an hour off from work and swing by the Grove and hurl a cabbage at that slag’s big fat greasy head?!

    * Janers, don’t you know that this is ART?! I do not need my head shrunk.

    * Thank you, Joders. That’s a great point about the photos. And where is CAIT?! Maybe she thinks I’m insane and wants no part of my re-re madness anymore. She was my first ever reader, by the way. Blame her for encouraging me. And you caught Janers in a slip! Exactly! Does that mean she doesn’t think he’s gay anymore?!


  12. jane121

    Art/insanity it’s a fine line.

    Why would Miranda be dating a gay dude? she could have any guy she wants.

    Ahahaha – just walked right into that one.


  13. See, Joders knows what I’m talking about. It’s all a scam!

    I like Konst’s idea. Free Whorly! Something like that. When you get the details worked out put me down for a button.


  14. Jaded

    Wanda, I am definitely reading your blog too. I just didn’t comment yet. B’tching on JJ has taken up most of my online time recently. :)
    BTW I am located in Europe. Should any dingo alarm go off here, you can count on me!


  15. allisonwonders

    This is really killing me now! Dingo is making me NOT hate the cougar anymore! And, I don’t love Whorli or Banksy!

    I’m sticking with Butta Churn- he seems too insecure to ever date a woman taller than him, so I think all supermodels are out of the question.

    Free Whorli! Kill the Beast!


  16. konst at the universifuck

    yeah i think all you orlando’s lovers should get a button or something.
    i want one with the word “i hate christenfuck” or something like that.


  17. Just Jared. Funny you should ask…I was just over there and they were talking about some pic where the two of them were supposed to be holding separate hotel bills (i.e. “proof” that the whole thing is a scam).

    I thought it was pretty pathetic that someone would make a remark like that, but then someone posted a link and I’LL BE DAMNED if they aren’t holding separate bills!

    So don’t feel bad Anners, at least you’re not going around scanning pictures for stuff like that. And then posting it on the internet.


  18. Oh, that’s way cool! Hahahhahahahah!

    Um… you may live to retract that last line. I think I’ve done something far worse. You’ll find out later. Also, I sent you an email.


  19. stella

    thank you for always mentioning morrissey.. i’m not an orly fan even though his bday is the day after mine but i just had to comment after i saw yer post script.
    and yess.. you have killed me is a great moz song


  20. SadieJo

    Who’d a thunk…………….. this blog, including this thread with it’s new wave of intense Whorelando-inspired dispair………… is still the sanest Orlando gathering on the net.

    Big hug to all of you for not being totally re re.

    Can’t believe I walk around calling things re re all the time and muttering about “that damn dingho.”


  21. SadieJo

    Course I’d be beaucoup happy, but I’d expect details. Lots and lots of details, and pictures, drawings, and, yeah, videos. This group does kiss n tell, right?

    I’d also expect you to get him to work, like, yesterday already.


  22. * Thank you for having my back Wanda. I scratch your back, you scratch mines. And I would totally sabotage any of you guys’ relationships with Orly. But I’d pretend to be happy for you.

    * Stella, that song inspired me to write a paper about Pasolini. I got an ‘A’ on it, too. I must thank Morrissey for that.

    * SadieJo, thank you for being the one to say that we are not totally re-re. And I am ever so sorry that we’re dumbing down your vocabularly. Truly I am. Haha.


  23. joders

    Perhaps Orly can convert from Buddhism to Mormon. Aren’t mormons allowed to have multiple spouses?


  24. Cait

    Yeah, Joders, I think they can, but (though I can’t speak for you, Wanda or Anners) I certainly don’t want to be sporting that prairie-wear just to snag 25% of Orlando.

    And Anners, my dear, rest easy. We’re all suffering together. Remember, this too shall pass….



  25. YEAH I THOUGHT THAT! ewwwww !! i still think he’s gay. and ugly BUT I RESPECT AND SUPPORT ANNERS and all the girls who are in love with that dude


  26. Cait

    I’m one of those girls, but he’s making it increasingly hard to love him. I mean, come on! Wearing ballet slippers? Dating a dingo? How much can four women take before they just say ‘ENOUGH!’?!


  27. * Yay Cait’s back! :)

    * Ladies, those are not ballet shoes. They are cloven athletic shoes. My sister used to have a pair (don’t laugh or make gay jokes about Orly, PLZ).

    * Hahahaha, Konst! You kill me. You did not just say my boyfriend was ugly!?!


  28. joders

    I love Orly, I really do. But those are some ugly shoes he’s got on.

    Cait, I won’t be sporting any prarie-wear either. And somehow I don’t think you’ll catch Anners or Wanda in that sort of get up either. Frankly, I’d be wearing not much at all when I have Orly for my 25% of the time.


  29. Janers

    I don’t get polygamy. The women couldn’t be in love with the guy or it wouldn’t work otherwise one of them would crack one day and stab the others.


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