Whorely In Crisis

When did Orlando get so hideous and dead in the eyeballs?  I fear for him, I fear for his future.  What’s going to happen to his career now that he’s losing his looks?!  It’s not like he can act or anything.   I just don’t see great work ever emanating from his bones.  He can’t even act like he’s in love with his girlfriend!  Maybe he does love her.  But there is a distinct and pungent lack of warmth and affection in the bulk of their pictures.  Something’s phucking wrong, okeys?!

Do you want to know how I know this?

It all goes back to Kate Bosworth.  Orly and Kate actually looked like they were on the same page.  Their smiles made sense.  Their was some solidarity there.  The only time I ever thought something looked all sorts of wrong with them was at the premiere of Superman Returns.  She was wearing that strange white dress, he had his arms draped around her and he looked like he wanted to phucking die.

Lo and behold, they were broken up within a matter of months.  For Good.

Back to the dingo. I do tend to get mean-spirited with his DINGO, but I think I’m all through being mean-spirited about her.   If Whorelando wants to dip his chips in that  mess, that’s his business.  I don’t even kerr (haha) if he marries the dingo.  So much the worse for him.  I also don’t think she’s doing anything necessarily vile by shagging him, either.  If I was a dingo with shit for brains and in possesion of a skeleton  tailor-made for Victoria’s Phucking Secret, I’d take a cruise on that ship, too.  I mean I can’t get angry with her for simply being born, can I?   The dingo just so happened to latch onto Orlando’s frozen star and the dingo won’t get off.  It’s far too lucrative and fun for her.

He, on the other hand, is in a serious phucking crisis and it’s ravaging his looks.  Bytch is sad.  Don’t you people realize this?  That Orlando Bloom is sad and coming apart at the phucking seams?   Look at his eyes.  They are puddles of sorrow.  He’s phucking a wild animal and he’s tempting fate by driving dangerous motorbikes.  If this isn’t a cry for help, I don’t know what the hell is.

So out of respect for Orlando and his crisis, I will refrain from picking apart his ugly  dingo girlfirend.  The man has lost his mojo and all sense of hope.  Say a prayer for him!  If this genuinely fake ass relationship with Mirandingo is keeping his wretched arse alive, I am going to welcome her with open arms.

Okay, I’m lying.   Bytch blows.

orlando bloom raisa gorbachev 14

^ Tension in the hands.  Tension in the hands.

^ He’s not in love… not in love…


25 thoughts on “Whorely In Crisis

  1. Anners, I will boycott you if you stop making fun of the dingo. The JJ slags are all depressed and not funny (at least as of yesterday). Come on, keep the faith! There’s so much comedy left to be had! I mean, might as well laugh about it, am I right?


  2. jane121

    No, it’s a suggestion and a joke

    If she was taking them and I disclosed that fact then that would be unethical.


  3. Janers, exactly what in this post led you to believe that I may need meds? Ha.Ha.

    AC: Please stop tormenting my lil Janers! Ha. ;)

    Wanda, I was clearly not meaning this. I’m looking for ways to destroy the dingo at this very moment. I will not go down depressed and vulnerable.


  4. I really don’t see what everyone is getting so upset about. Why is it suddenly not a showmance anymore? What’s changed? He’s obviously still gay. Which is OK with me.

    Do you think I’d get in very much trouble if I called Homeland Security and told them the dingo was a terrorist? They’d probably revoke her work permit, right? Do I dare hope for Guantanamo Bay?


  5. Janers

    Oh u mean’t Boz. Yes it is speculating about her medical state but it’s not really private considering peeps have been talking about it for years. I’m not her doctor either.

    I posted the pics for Wanda who spits in the face of my feminist movement.


  6. Aw Janers! I am so totally feminist! I’m against all the right things. I just hate what passes for feminism these days. Plus I’ve been reading a lot of angry black feminist blogs lately so I kinda have a new perspective on things. If it’s any comfort to you Mr. Rizzuto is disgusted with me as well.

    Didn’t I say this on another post? Am I crazy?


  7. SadieJo

    It’s those dingho cooties. They’ve got him by the shorties.

    He totally needs to get some sun. And maybe lay off the pharmacuticals for a while.

    But, it’s while he’s down, bloated, and fugly that he needs his hunnies most, so Anners, hang in there. Even the Whorely deserves a Plan B.


  8. SadieJo he does need to get some sun. Truer word was never spoken. Ja! You said he was bloated… Thank you for the words of encouragement.

    Wanda: Those angry black feminist blogs always make me want to kill myself.


  9. SadieJo

    After looking at these newest pictures again — hell to the yes I went to OLove and examined the clickable ones where you can end up with this ginormous Whorely head — well anywayers, I realized folks were absolutely right about his deteriorating hotness.

    Orlando was one of the few male movie stars I considered to be Hi-Def worthy. The camera seems to love him, with or without onscreen makeup. Now I’m not so sure, I’m almost afraid what he’ll look like on the 40 foot screen with his next project.

    I think he really needs a day at the manspa, and some Flintstone vitamins.

    Who’s all about the fluff stuff


  10. Janers

    Everyone has different ideas about what feminism is.

    I’d like it if girls supported each other rather than compete and tear each other down. Then we might actually get somewhere and not have to feel fat/fug all the time.

    I don’t think my movement will get far.


  11. joders

    SadieJo, don’t be worried about what Whorely will look like on the 40 foot screen with his next project. I say this because WHAT NEXT PROJECT??? And at the rate he’s going, we’ll all be sight impaired by the time The Red Circle hits the screens so it won’t matter what he looks like because we won’t be able to see him.

    The dingo just so happened to latch onto Orlando’s frozen star, and the dingo won’t get off…..that’s because her tongue is frozen to the star. And she can’t get off without breaking her tongue off. And damn, she’s gonna need that tongue later on in her “career”.

    You know Anners, until you suggested that Orly looks dead in the eyes, I’d never really noticed it. Dingo has sucked the very life out of our lad.


  12. jane121

    Well maybe has hit the drugs too hard or something. You guys do realise u r pitying a guy because he is with a VS supermodel?

    Go back to pitying yourselves like all other westerners and start bagging out celebs more.


  13. Ali-ers

    He looks like a Pod Person! Why did he wait until I was in NJ to show his re-re self?
    Damn I missed out on a lot of shizz!
    He looks more and more like a little old British lady! Ugh. Thank gawd Ben Barnes came along in the nic of time!

    I missed you guys! ♥!


  14. Janers, what the hades are you jabbering on about?

    Jaded, brill observation. He looks a lil tipsy.

    HI Ali-ers!

    Hahahaha, SadieJO… Flinstone Vitamins…

    Joders, there is no life in his eyes.


  15. I just noticed from the 1st picture that his ears are lopsided.

    Hey Anners, someone on JJ made the same point about him looking all happy with Kate and then breaking up with her a few months later. I thought it was you until I saw that they were referring to a different pic. So maybe you’re onto something there.


  16. Kellers

    I think I can sort out Whorely’s career. He seems to do best as part of a strong ensemble cast, like LOTR or POTC. When the movie depends solely on him, he’s never been quite able to cut it. Now that he’s been the romantic lead, it will be hard for him to downgrade. (But he should.)


  17. Janers

    I said maybe he looks dead in the eyes coz he has hit drugs too hard and not because he is living most guys’ dream and dating a supermodel.

    We were having a self pitying whinge at ur blog the other day so maybe u should just go back to worrying about yourself rather than a celebrity who is prob happier than all of us combined.


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