Deadbeat Boyphriend

You know what I phind most distressing about my relationship with Whorelando Bloom?  It’s not that phact that he’s cheated on me for 5 phucking years (most recently with the dingo witch),  It’s the way he cheats.  Flaunting his licentious behavior all over the world.  Yes, the dingo shiz is real.   Real PHAKE.  Orly and I communicate on the regular via web cam (sorry to break it to you witless Orlando skank fans, but he’s addicted to technology).   He doesn’t love the dingo, but he loves the polarity it’s bred between his fandumb.   Basically he tells me that the dingo is a stoopit, wetodded bytch.  Realllllly stoopit.   And he tells her this to her phace everytime he sees her.  “Miranda, you’re a stoopit, wetodded bytch.  But I’m not quite ready to dump your arse.  Come along, now.  Give me a shag and put some vegemite on it.”   He seriously tells her this and she giggles.  Then she winks.   Coyly.    

The reason that he hasn’t dumped her is that he loves the attention.  He likes us phighting over his weird ass.   One idiotic camp makes affectionate icons of the cabbage patch dingo witch and basically live a dream world, and the other genius camp (okay, the one I belong to) wants the cabbage patch dingo to meet a bitter, nasty demise  (or atleast get kicked off the universe) and also basically live in a dream world… or maybe not (since Wanda objects to my saying we live in a dream world).

Everybody wins, slutbabies!

Enough of this deadbeat boyphriend shit!   Whorelando Bloom, you GD wanker!   Shag me, Bytch!!!1










33 thoughts on “Deadbeat Boyphriend

  1. Let me catch you webcamming my boyfriend one more time and it’s on.

    And I resent the implication that I belong in a dream world. My Troy DVD and my vibrator are as real as the nose on your face, K?


  2. Janers

    Oh Anners, isn’t it time you dropped the psychotic delusions with Orlando Bloom and jumped onto the Bin Bons ship for good? I promise I won’t even make fun of the new one (well not as much).


  3. Janers

    Sorry – I worry about u tis all. You’ve spent to much time and energy getting angry at oral B and hating the dingo. Maybe if u move onto someone less whorish your blogging life will be less stressful?


  4. Janers

    dat is good. I was kidding (I do not really believe you have psychotic delusions) but I lose tough with the blogsworth sense of humour when I’m cut off from internet world for too long.


  5. SadieJo

    Deep and true.

    BTW, I’m in Hollywood/LA/Venice this weekend. Will keep my eyes open for walking cabbage heads and their fake boyphriends. Would rather catch a glimpse of Viggo, but….


  6. Hey Anners, we got outed on the JJ thread. Because, you know, our discussions on these blogs are so super private that it’s a real “gotcha” moment when someone finds them.

    Go have a lookie, it’s pretty funny.


  7. Well, I don’t know why I’m being called a troll. The only time I ever mentioned that person was to say that I thought she’d been treated unfairly by the fandom. You know how they’re always saying she insults people for no reason? I think I said that wasn’t fair once. I mean, we’re just having a bit of fun, right?

    See, I’m not even mentioning her name now. I didn’t say it was her, did I? I don’t have any proof, except the IP address, city, country, length of time spent on my blog (i.e. just enough time to read and c&p the comments) and the fact that she out-clicked to JJ at approximately the same time that comment appeared.

    So I don’t know what the point is in exposing us merry pranksters. Except that probably two grown-ass people like Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr don’t have fingers to surf the internet and defend themselves from bullies like me and you, and they’re much to important curing cancer and saving the starving sperm whales to be bothered with the likes of us.

    See, I can say these things to you in complete confidence Anners because I know absolutely no one besides the two of us can read this.


  8. Yes, complete confidence, Wanda. No one reads this blog. I’m not even reading it right now. I didn’t even read your comment.

    You’re being blamed for the SNF rumor? Haha. What?

    Also, I noticed how when someone (haha, I’ll not out her true identity) directed a comment at this person on JJ and added ANOTHER NAME, she didn’t bother to correct them.


    I am still finding this wildly hilarious. Did she think she had something?! :)

    Dear NURSE: JJ is a foul trough for gossip horses to feed at. Let’s not make it more important than it is.


  9. SadieJo

    No sightings. I phriggin think the Whorely is hiding from the Cabbage Patched head. Santa Monica Pier is totally phreaking wonderful, btw. Hope to make it to Venice before we leave. Am practicing my official beauty queen wave just in case of a drive-by lookie. Might have to purchase another cabbage though, this one is looking kinda moldy and used after sitting in the hot sun all day.

    I am jealous of every one of the millions who gets to live down here with the sun and the sand. The smog sucks, though.



  10. SadieJo

    I was soooo close to running into the Whorelando! There was a sighting of him near Melrose Street, at a swap meet. If it’s believeable (well, there was a pic), I wonder how I missed him. We stopped by the thing at Fairfax High School parking lot on Sunday. Must have just missed him. Boo. It did smell kinda ripe in a few places. Residual eau de dawg, maybe. Was the dingho with?

    Sorry Anners, didn’t go to Arizona Street but did stroll down Colorado to the 3rd Street Promenade and did some serious window licking (drooling over stuff in the windows we could never ever afford).

    Your SoCal reporter for one more day –
    Sadie Jo


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