You know what I phind most distressing about my relationship with Whorelando Bloom? It’s not that phact that he’s cheated on me for 5 phucking years (most recently with the dingo witch), It’s the way he cheats. Flaunting his licentious behavior all over the world. Yes, the dingo shiz is real. Real PHAKE. Orly and I communicate on the regular via web cam (sorry to break it to you witless Orlando skank fans, but he’s addicted to technology). He doesn’t love the dingo, but he loves the polarity it’s bred between his fandumb. Basically he tells me that the dingo is a stoopit, wetodded bytch. Realllllly stoopit. And he tells her this to her phace everytime he sees her. “Miranda, you’re a stoopit, wetodded bytch. But I’m not quite ready to dump your arse. Come along, now. Give me a shag and put some vegemite on it.” He seriously tells her this and she giggles. Then she winks. Coyly.
The reason that he hasn’t dumped her is that he loves the attention. He likes us phighting over his weird ass. One idiotic camp makes affectionate icons of the cabbage patch dingo witch and basically live a dream world, and the other genius camp (okay, the one I belong to) wants the cabbage patch dingo to meet a bitter, nasty demise (or atleast get kicked off the universe) and also basically live in a dream world… or maybe not (since Wanda objects to my saying we live in a dream world).
Everybody wins, slutbabies!
Enough of this deadbeat boyphriend shit! Whorelando Bloom, you GD wanker! Shag me, Bytch!!!1