Latest dingo dialogue concerning break-up rumors: “Peepoll cannes wryte whutever they lyke [ Why, thank you, Dingo! ]. Itt duzn’t mayke any difference to us [because neither me or Whorelando Gno How To Read].”
So! Miranda left her diary on the plane that flew her dingo ass into Australia a while ago. A scholar schooled in Dingoese (who was taught under Joders) was kind enough to translate and transcribe:
Daily Agenda For Randa May Kerr Bloom *wink*
3 AM: Wake up and study my nose. Why so strange, nose? Why are you soo strange?
4 AM: Go back to sleep. If alone, actually SLEEP. If not alone, play with Whorelando’s noodle whilst he slumbers. He always shakes his head and waves his finger at me and says ‘Please don’t EVA touch me, ho’ if he’s awake, so I have to be careful to extinguish my desires while he is unconscious.
5 AM: Wake up again! Email staged pap shots to Jared @ Just Jared. He’s Just like a bitch to me now! I send him stuff each and every day but he Just rarely ever uses them. ?! By the way, you delphi b!tches are Just cruel to me. What did I do besides lie and screw my way to the top middle?
7 AM: Call Victoria *wink* and thank her for keeping my Secret *wink*. (Yes, I have a penisse (sp?))
7:30 AM: Grind up rabbit bones, cattle tail, and field mouse in blender. Add a pomegranate and an egg. This is my infamous ‘juice fast’. It is soo delicious.
8 AM: Video conference with Oil Boy. Show him my bubbies. / Feed my doggie.
8:30 AM: Google Ben Barnes. He’s hot. I want to eph him. Baaadly.
9 AM: Yoga. Maybe I should chant a bit, too. Is that cool?
10 AM: Call the dumb HO who is writing my book “Treasure Yourselph”, and tell her to hurry the PHUCK UP! My fan base is shrinking by the hour. Call mother and brother and make sure they’ve posted at least 12 nice comments about me on the blogs. Such a good, obedient family that I have. :)
11 AM: Study my dingo teethers in the mirror. They’re so big!
12 PM: Call My Employee Boyfriend, Whorelando Bloom, and give him a piece of my (feeble) mind. He doesn’t treat me right. It’s hilarious that people say that he’s with me because I’m an easy lay. We don’t even get down like that. I mean I am an easy lay, but getting him to lay down with me isn’t so easy.
1 PM: Nap time!
2 PM: Go to Deadpan. Wanda Rizzuto is a bytch! But she’s funny. I read and I don’t comment, because she’ll know it is meee.
3 PM: Go to http://torkee.wordpress.com. Joders is a bytch too. Real nice killing me off in that story, wankeress.
4 PM: http://Kannb.livejournal.com. Bytch! Bytch! Bytch! / Feed doggie.
4:30 PM: O-Love! My bitches! Well, there are some kind people left in the world.
4:45 PM: Deposit a check into Mayphrayn’s paypal account.
5 PM: Back to Just Jared. Leave a comment defending either my honor or defending poo or mama for defending my honor (not that I have any, though! I’m a skank to the nth degree.)
6 PM: Kateblogsworth.wordpress.com. Anners, you phucking bytch!
7 PM – 10 PM: The Delphi Forum. So many bytches, so little time. Alegria sucks. Jaded sucks. Ducati sucks. Icky poo sucks. Poor Orlando sucks. Everybody sucks! Glamma Puss sucks and Ali-ers sucks, too. * I forgot to say that Cait, Sadie Jo, Mystic, and Vy SUCK. Granted not all of these skanks are Delphiers, but they still suck for wishing ill-will upon my cabbaged head.
11 PM: Pleasure Myself and go to bed.
Keep reading to see shots of Whorelando celebrating the fact that Gunnedah Hobag is out of his hairs (for the time being)…
This post is dedicated to Wanda Rizzuto, because she’s fabulous.