Diary of A Mad Dingo Woman

miranda kerr david jones marquee 02

Latest dingo dialogue concerning break-up rumors“Peepoll cannes wryte whutever they lyke [ Why, thank you, Dingo! ]. Itt duzn’t mayke any difference to us [because neither me or Whorelando Gno How To Read].”

So!  Miranda left her diary on the plane that flew her dingo ass into Australia a while ago.  A scholar schooled in Dingoese (who was taught under Joders) was kind enough to translate and transcribe:

Daily Agenda For Randa May Kerr Bloom *wink*

3 AM:   Wake up and study my nose.  Why so strange, nose?  Why are you soo strange?

4 AM:  Go back to sleep.  If alone, actually SLEEP.  If not alone,  play with Whorelando’s noodle whilst he slumbers.  He always shakes his head and waves his finger at me and says ‘Please don’t EVA touch me, ho’ if he’s awake, so I have to be careful to extinguish my desires while he is unconscious. 

5 AM:  Wake up again! Email staged pap shots to Jared @ Just Jared.  He’s Just like a bitch to me now!  I send him stuff each and every day but he Just rarely ever uses them.  ?!  By the way,  you delphi b!tches are Just cruel to me.  What did I do besides lie and screw my way to the top middle?

7 AM:  Call Victoria *wink* and thank her for keeping my Secret *wink*.  (Yes, I have a penisse (sp?))

7:30 AM:  Grind up rabbit bones, cattle tail, and field mouse in blender.  Add a pomegranate and an egg.  This is my infamous ‘juice fast’.   It is soo delicious. 

8 AM:  Video conference with Oil Boy.  Show him my bubbies. / Feed my doggie.  

8:30 AM:  Google Ben Barnes.  He’s hot.  I want to eph him.  Baaadly.

9 AM:  Yoga.  Maybe I should chant a bit, too.  Is that cool?

10 AM:  Call the dumb HO who is writing my book “Treasure Yourselph”, and tell her to hurry the PHUCK UP!  My fan base is shrinking by the hour.   Call mother and brother and make sure they’ve posted at least 12 nice comments about me on the blogs.  Such a good, obedient family that I have.  :)

11 AM:  Study my dingo teethers in the mirror.   They’re so big!

12 PM:  Call My Employee Boyfriend, Whorelando Bloom, and give him a piece of my (feeble) mind.  He doesn’t treat me right. It’s hilarious that people say that he’s with me because I’m an easy lay.  We don’t even get down like that.  I mean I am an easy lay, but getting him to lay down with me isn’t so easy.

1 PM:  Nap time!

2 PM: Go to Deadpan.   Wanda Rizzuto is a bytch!  But she’s funny.  I read and I don’t comment, because she’ll know it is meee.

3 PM: Go to http://torkee.wordpress.com.  Joders is a bytch too.  Real nice killing me off in that story, wankeress.

4 PM:  http://Kannb.livejournal.com.  Bytch!  Bytch!  Bytch!  / Feed doggie. 

4:30 PM:  O-Love!  My bitches!  Well, there are some kind people left in the world. 

4:45 PM:  Deposit a check into Mayphrayn’s paypal account.

5 PM: Back to Just Jared.  Leave a comment defending either my honor or defending poo or mama for defending my honor (not that I have any, though! I’m a skank to the nth degree.)

6 PM:  Kateblogsworth.wordpress.com.   Anners, you phucking bytch! 

7 PM – 10 PM:  The Delphi Forum.   So many bytches, so little time.  Alegria sucks.  Jaded sucks.  Ducati sucks.  Icky poo sucks.  Poor Orlando sucks.  Everybody sucks!  Glamma Puss sucks and Ali-ers sucks, too.   * I forgot to say that Cait, Sadie Jo, Mystic,  and Vy SUCK.  Granted not all of these skanks are Delphiers, but they still suck for wishing ill-will upon my cabbaged head.

11 PM:  Pleasure Myself and go to bed.

Keep reading to see shots of Whorelando celebrating the fact that Gunnedah Hobag is out of his hairs (for the time being)…

This post is dedicated to Wanda Rizzuto, because she’s fabulous. 

 

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27 thoughts on “Diary of A Mad Dingo Woman

  1. This bit of brilliance is dedicated to moi? I have tears in my eyes! (Really, I do, this shizz was funny!)

    Aside to the dingo: Here’s a freebie, I can tell who’s there whether they comment or not. Better get your I.P. addy a pair of Groucho glasses.

    Like

  2. Akeelers Barnes

    “Wake up and study my nose. Why so strange, nose? Why are you soo strange?”

    HAHAHAHAHA! Funniest shyt evers!

    “Google Ben Barnes. He’s hot. I want to eph him. Baaadly.”

    Dingho bytch, you keep your crab infested cooze away from my phake boyphriend before I flip out and strangle the shyt out of you with one of Whorely’s training bras!

    And Ali-ers has my back too, ho! We will bring that shyt!

    Like

  3. SadieJo

    C’est magnificent. Les Français pensent que le dingo est retardé aussi.

    That’s my french phrase of the day.

    The little dance The Whorely is doing is the dingo ho-down.

    Like

  4. Vy

    GENIUS.

    I don’t think I’ll be getting the phrase “Whorelando’s noodle” out of my head for a while.

    Also, I’m a bit disappointed that the Dingho didn’t curse me in her diary. I guess I need to up the ante on my slander of her. Suck it, you talentless cabbagehead!!!

    Like

  5. Wanda, of course this is dedicated to you. I had to honor you for your glorious contributions to Orlando Phandumb over the past year. :)

    Hi Akeelers: He’s my phake boyphriend, thank you very much.

    SadieJo I am happy to hear that the French think the dingo is slow too.

    Hi Mystic!

    Hi, Vy! That can be mended. I’m pretty much adding names as they come along (because I’m re-re)… my memory is shot these days. I do apologize.

    Like

  6. Akeelers Barnes

    Anners: Well tell your phake boyphriend to stop sitting outside my house in his hoopty. He makes going to work almost impossible for me. :(

    Like

  7. IcarusMalfoy

    You are brilliant.

    That daft little ho-bag better stay away from sweet Ben Barnes! I’m not sure I could handle it if another imaginary boyfriend got sucked into the clutches of the evil cabbage.

    Like

  8. jane121

    If I was the Dingo and stumbled upon this post I’d call my dam lawyer!

    I wouldn’t mind making up a diary entry tho.

    Like

  9. slapparr

    what do you mean if she stumbles on this – i’m pretty sure she and her bytches have google alerts on the name miranda kerr…. though i’m wondering if she’s set up ones for Dingho, Cabbage or Gunnedah ho bag yet – i suppose we should drop the hint and give her time!!

    fantastic as ever :D

    Like

  10. Caniad

    Very funny! I love the nose part too. That seriously got me giggling. (I’ve never liked my nose, but hers makes me feel better about mine.)

    Like

  11. Vy

    Aw, thank you, Anners…err…Dingho, for the mention.

    (And you’re not re-re, Anners. You’re wonderful. As is everyone else here!) :)

    Like

  12. icky poo

    Check out the Jared thread on cpk.
    Not the race one but the one with her on the FHM.
    Probably since the race one got out of hand they moved over there.
    When will they learn that comments by “samantha” and “Graham” within
    five minutes of each other is not the way to go?
    Why can’t they grasp that lying over and over is not going to dig them out
    of a hole?

    Like

  13. icky poo

    I have an idea.
    Since they think they are so clever, why doesn’t everyone go give
    their opinion on cabbage patch’s look on that thread.

    Just a simple one liner using the kind of names they do. They think using a proper name is better then a nic. So why doesn’t “George” “Frank” “Sally” & “Morticia” drop on over.

    Like

  14. Ducati

    Brillant as always…..and thank you for the mention, I feel like toss her apartment with cabbage for hollween in your honor.

    Like

  15. Ali-ers Hotshizski

    Oh yay! She hates me too! I feel spechul ;)

    And Anners, Ben is way way waaaay more mine & Akeelers’ fake boyfriend. Thank you very much.
    I don’t see your site(s) dripping with Ben’s glittery goo. He doesn’t dazzle you like he does us. You need to quit faking it and just profess your love for Bill O’Reilly.

    Like

  16. Ali-ers Hotshizski

    Also! I bet hairs grow out of the tip of MiranDuh’s nose.
    It’s just a feeling I get when I look to the west… (?)

    Like

  17. icky poo: Her people aren’t very bright. Just like her!

    Ali-ers and Akeelers: Oh damn! Akeelers, I thought you were talking about Whorly. You’re quite correct! Prince Lesbian is all yours (plural). But what’s this Bill O’Reilly schit about?

    You’re quite welcome, Ducati.

    Hi all! :)

    Like

  18. Ali-ers Hotshizski

    LOL Anners! I picked Bill ‘O cos he’s one of the least desirable menz I could think of off the top of my deranged noggin.

    Like

  19. Found it!!!

    That is one scary up close pic of the dingHo. I think I might have nightmares now.

    Whorelando’s noodle. Is that like fettucine or penne or something.

    “Call Victoria and thank her for keeping my secret. Yes I have a penisse (sp).” That’s magic Anners! But I did always think that the Victoria’s Secret models are men.

    Orly looks like he’s doing some sort of happy dance.

    Whorely: (in his best singing voice) Ding dong, the dingHo’s dead, the dingHo’s dead, the dingHo’s dead….. Now, do you suppose if I call the Blogsworth Girls that they’ll take me back? Ooooh, I’m getting chills just thinking about it! I’m coming girls, Whorely’s back!

    PS Miranduh, ur verrie welcum. If eye gott thee chants, eyed kille u al ova agenn.

    Dr Joders BA Ling PhD

    Like

  20. Sister Scribonia Invidiosa of the Headspasm League

    ^ jajjaja Joders. You’re so hilarious and evil… why am I just now responding to
    this?

    * Ali-ers: Yeah, Bill O’Reilly is nassty, but Larry Kiing is hotness.

    Like

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