Ask The Dingo

dingoserious

 

A few posts ago I asked you slutcrakers to email me if you thought you might want to contribute to the blog (it’s like, extremely hard to post on a regular basis with the demands of grad school placed upon you). 

Whatevers.

 Anyway, here’s your proof that the dingHo regularly haunts our blogs:  The slapper  emailed me!  

The dingo has informed me that she would like to do an advice column.   Since she’s living the life, phucking Whorelando Bloom, writing a self-help book, and earning money by limping along in her knickers, she’s a veritable fount of wisdom.

Have a question about the vicissitudes of life?  Questioning the existence of a God (because if there was a God, why oh why, did he create people like her?!)?  Feeling broken-hearted and down-trodden?  Nervous about nothing in particular, like, all of the time?  Have a psychotic, cross-dressing  brother?  Do you want to come clean and break the fact that you’re a slut to your family and still have them be nothing but proud of you?  Want to punch Whorelando Bloom, the slags at JJ, Jared, Mayphrayn and Porzia  in the thorax in one fell swoop?   Don’t know why your whore of a boyfriend treats you like shit in the press?  Hate Kate Bosworth and all that she represents?  

 Ask the Dingo!

The Dingo is open to helping you sort things out!  Just leave  your question in the comments and she’ll (coyly) answer a few of them in a post that should be up just as soon as she figures out how to pull her giant head out of her stupid arse.

:)

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24 thoughts on “Ask The Dingo

  1. Ally

    Hey guys….I came by this website by accident when I was looking up something about Orlando and “Sympathy for delicious” news…I dont remember how I found it really but I’ve been reading all your posts and your goofy stories and I can’t seem to close the browser….I must admit, you guys are hilarious!!! But I’m a bit confused as well…. I understand why you’re all bashing the hell out of Miranda, it’s plain to see…I’m not very fond of her either…I have mixed feelings about her…But I dont really know her, so who cares….But anyway Im confused because I’m trying to figure out if you’re actually fans of Orlando or just having a bunch of fun lol… You say you like him, think he’s hot or whatever and you’re concerned about his love-life….But then you put him down and call him a whore LMAO!!! So yea im just wondering if you guys really like him or are you just goofing off about the whole thing?… Nonetheless, it’s pretty funny…I have to admit LOL

    By the way, I’m Ally…Nice to meet you guys! ;)

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  2. Akeelers a.k.a.glamma_puss

    1)Is the 3.5M you’re getting paid from have your likeness used on Cabbage Patch Kids dolls?

    2)How much are all the pap photos costing you?

    3.)When is Whorely’s contract up? Who is your next victim?

    Man, I got a ton of these, but I’ll let the other girls get their turn.

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  3. Poor Orlando

    Mirandho:

    Why are you the most annoying, ugly, stupid, idiotic, slutty, cheap, waste of dna in the whole wide world?

    I’m not normally this cruel, but you drive me to it, you really do! Please go away. I asked nicely.

    Like

  4. Slapparr

    have you sacked Whorelando’s stylist? ( i just can’t quite work out any other logical reason why his looks have bottomed so badly since his Prelationship with you)

    Like

  5. Anners Scribonia Boombox Island

    ^^^^^hahahaha!

    Hi Ally! Welcome to our phugly maintstream planet. All of your observations about our feelings (or at least mine) toward Whoreland Bloom are correct. We actually are fans of Orlando… I think.

    :)

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  6. Hi Ally up there! Glad you asked….

    I can’t speak for the others, but there are lots of reasons for my snarkiness. I didn’t care much about Miranda one way or the other at first, but I guess you could say she got my attention when she said she was going to write a book for girls about self-esteem. Forgive me, but I happen to think that someone who does nothing but stand around in her underwear is not in any position to tell my daughter (or anyone else’s) about “treasuring herself”. Maybe if she stood around in her underwear and…I don’t know…talked about the Australian wildfires that killed a couple hundred people this week…maybe I’d have a little more respect.

    In the second place, it’s a widely held belief that Miranda has actively participated in the fandom stirring cocky and taunting his fans at every available opportunity. I don’t have concrete proof of it, but I’ve seen some things that have raised my eyebrows and I’m a believer. Which is why I take every available opportunity to make up stupid stories who’s only purpose is to let her know that I know she’s reading.

    I think we’d all love to be sitting around talking about his latest movie, and we were a few days ago. It’s just that it’s kinda hard when the only performance he seems to have in him these days is to prance around with a tore up underwear model.

    So to answer your question, yes, we are Orlando fans. Don’t believe it when anyone tells you we’re just fat, ugly and jealous, it’s just that his choice in girlfriends gives us pause.

    Can I get an amen slags?

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  7. Ally

    I completely agree with you on the whole so-called “tresure yourself” book. Me and my friend were just talking about that today actually. When I found out that she was “writing” this book I started cracking up! It’s a huuuuge contradiction! How can someone who is a size zero and runs around in underwear tell normal everyday people to love themselves for who they are????….It’s nuts!!! I dont get it one bit! If it were coming from someone like Anne Wilson, Wynona Judd, Queen Latifa or any other average sized woman who looks amazing the way they are, then I would understand it.

    Once this book gets published I think Miranda will realize it was a beyond stupid move in her career after all the flack she’ll get for it. It’s like “Oh this air-brushed, anorexic supermodel is telling me to love myself for who I am…Ok sure whatever you say….But wait a minute….She’s a size zero and pretty much fake…hmmm im confused…And she’s advertising this bikini in this catalog for me to buy….hmmm if I love myself for who I am then should I loose these extra pounds to look as good in that bikini and buy it?” Doesn’t make much sense at all, Miranda! It’s the right message coming from the WRONG person! I think I rather hear what Barney and Mr Rogers have to say!….I hope she does read this stuff….She needs the insight….Obviously she doesn’t get how “normal” people are in the “real” world. We’re not fake plastic dolls! Sure it’s easy for a skinny supermodel with a 6 figure income to love herself and tell the world to do it too. People don’t look up to models for inspiration, if anything models make us feel inadequate cuz we dont look like porcelain dolls the way they do….I wouldnt want to myself though lol….Their soul purpose is to look pretty and sell a product…What inspiration is there???….I sincerely hope that parents dont let their daughters read such contradicting rubbish!

    And about Orlando…Yea he’s changed. Ever since the whole Kate split, he seems very unhappy. I think being with Miranda is a superficial thing on a subconscience level. He’ll get bored with her and all this hype after awhile….I guess this is just something he’s gotta ao through and learn something from. Afterall, he is just a man lol… Eventually he’ll move on and hopefully meet someone who’s right for him.

    Snap out of it Orlando! Find your true self again!

    Go find another man to use and exploit, Miranda!

    (Sorry for the long comment, guys…I just had to get that off my chest, it was driving me crazy lol)

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  8. Slapparr

    oh and hi Ally!

    There is a fine line between love and piss taking it seems……. I just love the sense of humour that has come out of Whorli and Dingho’s liaison…..

    I still have “phuckery thy name is whorelando bloom” bookmarked to get me through hard times at work, it never fails to make me laugh……….

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  9. Hobag Janers

    Ok so I might be too drunk right after half price cocktail night to understand this post but I think if a girl wants to be a slut then she can be and still have some GD respect from herself and others. Isn’t that what feminism is all about? Being what you want to be without being crucified by others who think women should fit a certain mould?

    Pisses me off how underwear models are help up by ‘role models’ by the media but I don’t think they should be hated on either.

    I dunno I guess I just feel like Miranda deserves a break after trying to help raise money for the bushfire victims (I think). that was nice even if it was just for publicity or whatever. I dunno maybe I’m too pissed to be making sense right now. I’ll come back later.

    Like

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