… and no, it wasn’t me.
People whose job it is to fight crime aka the police, are reporting that “$500,000 in jewelry, cash and artwork” was stolen from Whorelando Bloom’s special black house in the Hollywood Hills on Wednesday.
Phuckery squared, yo!
Even though my heart no longer does happy dances at the mere mention of Whorely’s name, this is still crappy business.
The slags at TMZ said that someone entered Whorely’s house through a window which automatically saves the dingo from suspicion of high crimes. However, if they had said that someone entered the house through the doggie door, she’d be the number-one suspect.
Yes, the dingo was at the ESPY awards, peddling her slithery, stupid and awkward rump whilst the home she shares with her lover her lover’s home was being violated by very bad people who “were clearly familiar with the secluded home.”
As for that phantom engagement ring, let’s pretend that was part of the purloined booty. That’ll make it neat and tidy when the Lord of the Engagement Ring is asked why she’s not wearing it. Instead of admitting that “it duzznt igzist”, she can just say that “it wuz stowlin.”
P.S. Cough *Kate Bosworth was in town on that night* Cough.