The Honorary Doctwhore

On July 13th, the University of Kent will bestow upon Whorelando Bloom an honorary degree.   Yes.  My ex-boyfriend will receive a doctwhorate in something!   Hopefully that doctorate will be in PHUCKERY, because he has engaged in that shit for the past three years.

Students at the University of Kent should be so proud.

 I’m sure Whorelando is excited about this.   Maybe he thinks smart women will actually date him if he has a degree in something?  Well, whatever his reasons for choosing to accept this degree (which he could have simply declined and perhaps should have — seriously?  What is the point?);  his dingo lover is probably fuming over this. 

Why?  For no other reason than my personal amusement.

Publicly, she will pretend to be supportive:

Exhibit A:

 
 
 

Miranda: My boyfrinds’s gunna be a docturr next month.

Blondie: Oh really?

Miranda: Yes.

Blondie: What kind of doctor?

Miranda: A good docturr! Ha! I krack myselph up. Hopefoolee a plasstick surjin. Then maybe he kan fix my nose. And my skull. And that squishy thing thatz supozed to be inside of it. What’s that thing call’d again?

Alessandra: A brain?

Miranda: Yah! Thatz it. A brayn. Gahd. I’m sew stoopid sumtimez.

Blondie: More like all the time, Moronduh. But that’s why we love you. (She crosses her fingers behind her back.) Because you’re so stupid!

Miranda: ah, thankgz. Eye luv yoo too.

 

 

But privately, dingwhore has other beliefs.

Exhibit B

That assjole. Men git all the brayks! It's not phayer! I'm the won hoo went to skool. For newtrishun. Phuck him. Honorary Degree in... what? Bool shit? What phor? Phor phucking like 8000 girls? Bustea girls? For adorpting Seedy? Fuck Seedy. It's all abowt litul dawgs anyway, like my baybee, Frankey. Whorelando can't even reed. Or right. Or spayl.

He duzn't even no how to pick the write women for himself! Maybe thayer givin his dick a degree?! Cuz thats the ownly "head" he thinkx with. He's dickslexik, after all.
How'd he lyke it if I didnt evin sho up to suport him in this indevurr? Fuck this all ova thuh place.
I'm wurkin my ass off (literully) for VS. They've got a new purfume called Bahrmshell. It's tackee and it stinx. Just like all thair otha vile schit. And while i've bin wurkin my ass to the bone thuh past three yeers, Wheel Turnuh's been scrooing arownd infront of my back, ridin his moturrphyschul, fucking up moovie dills, and... he woks out with a fuckin dugree?
Hi! My boyfrind's gunneh be a docturr next munth.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “The Honorary Doctwhore

  1. KayC33

    Wheel Turnuh’s been scrooing arownd infront of my back, ridin his moturrpyschul, fucking up moovie dills, and… he woks out with a fuckin dugree?

    I don’t know why but for some reason this sentence just cracks me up! :D

    Like

  2. For some reason this just isn’t as funny when you read it aloud. That’s what Mr. Rizzuto says anyway. (Cause, you know, I’m cackling my arse off and trying to make him understand.)

    Like

  3. Hopefoolee a plasstick surjin. Then maybe he kan fix my nose. And my skull. And that squishy thing thatz supozed to be inside of it. What’s that thing call’d again?

    Haahaaa! Sorry fool, ain’t no doctor in the whole wide world who can fix you!

    Whorelando can’t even reed. Or right. Or spayl.

    That’s probably the bit that cracked me up most!

    I find the best part about dingoese is sounding out the proper spelling of the world and trying to figure out another way of spelling it. Like Sidi aka Seedy – that bit cracked me up too.

    What the hell am I talking about? The whole thing had me laughing like a loon!

    Like

  4. Sighs4l

    “A good docturr! Ha! I krack myselph up.”

    That’s the sentence that did it for me. People down the hall were asking what was so funny.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s