On July 13th, the University of Kent will bestow upon Whorelando Bloom an honorary degree. Yes. My ex-boyfriend will receive a doctwhorate in something! Hopefully that doctorate will be in PHUCKERY, because he has engaged in that shit for the past three years.
I’m sure Whorelando is excited about this. Maybe he thinks smart women will actually date him if he has a degree in something? Well, whatever his reasons for choosing to accept this degree (which he could have simply declined and perhaps should have — seriously? What is the point?); his dingo lover is probably fuming over this.
Why? For no other reason than my personal amusement.
Publicly, she will pretend to be supportive:
Miranda: My boyfrinds’s gunna be a docturr next month.
Blondie: Oh really?
Blondie: What kind of doctor?
Miranda: A good docturr! Ha! I krack myselph up. Hopefoolee a plasstick surjin. Then maybe he kan fix my nose. And my skull. And that squishy thing thatz supozed to be inside of it. What’s that thing call’d again?
Alessandra: A brain?
Miranda: Yah! Thatz it. A brayn. Gahd. I’m sew stoopid sumtimez.
Blondie: More like all the time, Moronduh. But that’s why we love you. (She crosses her fingers behind her back.) Because you’re so stupid!
Miranda: ah, thankgz. Eye luv yoo too.
But privately, dingwhore has other beliefs.