Tragic News That Actually Isn’t
Well, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon have spliteth upeth. Susan’s rep actually says that the two of them broke their love chain over the summer.
All that needs be said at this time is that Tim Robbins is way hot.
Things That Only Make Sense: John Frusciante Has Left The Chili Peppers
I was going to make a smart-arsed
comment about having a look at this photo if you had to ask yourself why John Frusciante would do such a thing. Putting John Frusciante in some re-re football helmet for some re-re album art is tantamount to some bytch-phaces asking Leonardo Da Vinci to use glitter and gel pens to dress up the Mona Lisa.
But to say that is to proffer an extremely shallow assessment of why the man left the band. We probably won’t see John like this ever again, though, and in my book, that’s a good thing…
Here’s what John said about leaving the band:
When I quit the band, over a year ago, we were on an indefinite hiatus. There was no drama or anger involved, and the other guys were very understanding. They are supportive of my doing whatever makes me happy and that goes both ways.
To put it simply, my musical interests have led me in a different direction. Upon rejoining, and throughout my time in the band, I was very excited about exploring the musical possibilities inherent in a rock band, and doing so with those people in particular. A couple of years ago, I began to feel that same excitement again, but this time it was about making a different kind of music, alone, and being my own engineer.
I really love the band and what we did. I understand and value that my work with them means a lot to many people, but I have to follow my interests. For me, art has never been something done out of a sense of duty. It is something I do because it is really fun, exciting, and interesting. Over the last 12 years, I have changed, as a person and artist, to such a degree that to do further work along the lines I did with the band would be to go against my own nature. There was no choice involved in this decision. I simply have to be what I am, and have to do what I must do.
Sending love and gratitude to you all.
Aw! John sends his love and gratitude! He’s just so thoughtful!
John made some glorious music with the Chili Peppers over the years, but I much prefer the solo material he’s been putting out pretty prolifically the past few years. When I met John a few years ago, it’s pretty much all I talked to him about because his music is simply gorgeous and original and it makes me happy. Or maybe it’s just calming? This is all my personal opinion, of course, but his music is music I have some sort of spiritual, indescribable bond with.
As far as his work with the chili peppers, Blood Sugar Sex Magik was their masterpiece. Totally.
As far as John’s solo work, the song Helical is magic. It’s instrumental and it’s magic.
Invasive Pics of Bozzers Getting Her Joints Oiled…
All of the rumors surrounding Kate Bozzers’ love-life as of late must have been stressing out both her brain and her tiny muscles judging from the crap going on in these photographs.
Kate has been linked to Chris Coldplay and Alexander Sarsgaaaaaaard; phuckery squared. Is there some reason why she thinks that it’s okay to up and ditch Jamers Rousseau without asking if it was all right with their fourteen (I’m being generous) fans? ! SKANKS.
I quite liked the Jamers; he seemed like a good, well-proportioned gentleman! He was also related to a dipshit, Enlightenment-era philosopher, which is always sort of good if you’re into all that misguided ideology and shit.
Ugh, Finals Week…
Just a quick rant: I phucking hate finals! Why the hell is it okay that I have a 20+ page paper due on the same day I’ve got a three hour final in another class? I only have 1 brain, you scholastic dipshitters!
Okay, laters.
It’s Kyle Phreaking Pascoe!!!!
Kyle Pascoe lives!!! If you’re like me, you know that Kyle Pascoe was the hottest piece of shiz ever to grace Footballers Wives, one of the greatest series the televison set has ever witnessed. He lasted three gloriously brief seasons, but he at least bowed out with grace — bytch went insane and he was never heard from again.
Kyle Pascoe’s real-life biological name is Gary Lucy. He is also married I think, with children. These are both troubling facts.
Here’s another troubling fact: This is Gary Lucy rehearsing for his upcoming stint in Dancing on Ice. It’s a BBC show that makes celebrities turn tricks on the ice! Kyle Pascoe and his nice arse deserve so much more than this phrozen phuckery! He should be in Hollywood, making millions of dollars just because he’s cute, tall, and has amazing sideburns.
The Postmodern Guide to Miranda Kerr’s Most Illustrious Modeling ‘Kuhrear’
Bird Brain !
Ah, the discourse produced by the famed and fabled existence of Miranda Kerr: A whole new vocabulary has been circulated into the world.
Let’s take a brief survey of the semantics regarding this elegant seductress, starting with the “D” family: Ding(h)o, Dingwhore.
The former is used as a general descriptive and summation of her ferocious instincts. She is also from Australia, so it makes perfect sense to refer to her as a dingo. There was once a very unintelligent soul who tried to say that this was a quasi-racist term. I still don’t get it. At all.
The latter is used when the dingo is behaving more ferociously foul than usual, for example, when the dingo is providing lap dances to her sad boyphriend in public, or lifting up her skirts and exposing her rocky buttocks to her sad boyphriend whilst walking infront of him in dimly lit alleys. On such occasions, one must refer to Ms. Kerrtastrophe as a “dingwhore”.
Then there are the alliterative properties involved with the first letter of her name. There is Mirandingo, Mirandumb, Moronda (also Moronduh), and Miranduh. All are interesting and cool as a general rule, but Mirandingo holds a special place in my heart, for obvious reasons.
Other terms that apply: Who The Phuck Kerrs, and when she or her publicist have planted stories about her sad and unemployed boyphriend being engaged, she must be referred to as the Lord of the Engagement Ring.
Over the past year or so, Mirandumb has really “come into her own” (to quote the dipshits on JJ and various other crazy as phuck hangouts for her cronies) as a Supamodel. In recognition of this fact, here is my pictorial ode to the dingo’s most distinguished year, which began with a bang (I think), and has ended with an even louder bang, the whorebag convention that calls itself the Victwhoria’s Secret Phasion Show.
Let us no longer refer to her as “Orlando Bloom’s girlfriend” because this year the dingo has finally emerged from underneath his frail shadow.*
* Or so she thinketh.
Strange Dress Alert!
This dress is all sorts of wrong.
It’s sort of cool, though. Sort of. I think Bozzers wears the strange little schoolmarm-y dresses on purpose. She’s trying to throw the dingwhore off her trail and schoolmarm-y dresses are a sure thing! Even though the dingwhore lives to copy whatever Kate does, she wouldn’t be caught dead in something chaste ( though she might get caught in something else, namely, a wild dingo-trap somewhere in the Gunnedah outback).
Good on Bozzers for curling her hair a bit, she looks totally lovely, if not slightly waxy around the head.
Miranda Kerr is still totally ugly, though.
EPH This Noise
More hobby horse love-life news! Strange and stupid people are speculating that the blessed union of bones that is Keirers Knightley and Rupert Friend’s relationship may be on the bloody rocks.
This is all based on some bogus-assed statements Keirers gave to a journalist regarding her role in The Misanthrope. Whatever. Yeah, so the reporter person visited the cast and asked them all a bunch of questions about their respective roles.
Here I have recounted the entirety of the exchange that has, for some reason, come to signal the demise of Keirers and Rupies love affair.
Reporter (to Keirers): Do you recognise the mental world that she inhabits?
Keirers: What do you mean by that?
Reporter: She’s an extremely well-known young film actress…
Keirers: Do I recognise being an extremely well-known young actress? Yes. And she’s in the middle of a world full of people who are quite a bit older than her. She’s having a problem with her boyfriend. No comment.
Appropriately, I still picture Keirers saying this with a defensive posture (arms folded), and all sorts of massive tension in her face and shoulders. Because such is the way of Keirers.
Sienners and Juders May Have Reunited
This picture is as old as PHUCK!
Hark! The herald, angels sing! Glory to the newborn famewhoring king and queen!
Just kidding.
So it seems as though Jude Lawr and Sienner Miller have reconnected in a loving sort of way. The two had Thanksgiving dinner together last week where they ”shared a $350 bottle of red wine — and at least one passionate kiss”. Since then, they have been spotted all around New York making chaste love to each other in public.
CNN says so!
This is just the sort of news the world needs right now or something.
Shag or Gag?! Matt Bomer Edition
Hark all ye bytch-phaces! Behold Matt Bomer. He’s in this show called White Collar on the USA Network, so I find it odd that he chose not to wear a shirt with a white collar in this photograph. Whatevs! In the show, Mr. Bomer plays a dude named Neal Caffrey , which sounds like the name of a perverted milkman from 1982. Though Matt is not my cup of tea (or milk!), you sort of can’t deny that he is classically handsome.
Have at it.
* This shag or gag?! has been sponsored by Aliers.
Photo Source: Mattbomerfan.com
WTPH Is Bozzers Doing?
Can someone please tell me what in the Blue Crush hell Kate Bozzers is doing with her life? I refuse to believe she’s gallivanting around town with this overgrown vampire just to diffuse the Chris Coldplay rumors. But I’m starting to believe she is no longer with Jamers. Woe unto me.
Here’s Kate and Alexander Staaaarsgaaaaaaaaaaard at the Arclight cinemas in Hollywood the other night play-acting like they’re either very reluctant lovers or very casual friends… casual to the point that he can barely stand to acknowledge their friendship by, you know, standing less than five feet away from her. For that, he blows. Bozzers deserves someone who’s not afraid to stand next to her. Someone like James Rousseau, who seems to have been dumped like so much euro-trash.
Sorry, Jamers.
Slaggage, Speaking...